Trying to look busy...

I'm a pimp!

2006-08-10T10:34:00.000-05:00

Here is my project that is too stupid to talk about (love ya hunny!)

Monkey Personals

Enjoy!

I can't believe it!

2006-08-03T17:27:00.000-05:00

I just realized this site is still getting about 25 views per day. Wicked. I haven't posted anything here for a month, and even at that it was a good bye.

Good bye it wasn't exactly. I am STILL stuck at my crappy job. New York was a bust. The stupid "travel agent" turned out to be a fraud and is sitting in jail because he didn't actually buy the tickets. My boss from New York says that this is the week we will be determining when I will be starting full time, but now he has sent an email on Monday saying he is out for family emergency and will be back on Tuesday. Today is Thursday and I still have not been able to contact him. I'm waiting to get paid still from last week (and the week before!) Now I have a bad feeling.

Life, liberty and the Persuit!

2006-07-06T14:23:00.000-05:00

This weekend I am traveling to NYC. My wife and I are leaving tomorrow morning. I'm traveling to New York to meet my boss and negotiate a salary for my new JOB! I've been working for a guy from NYC as a freelance web developer part-time for the past 5 months or so and now he's offered to take me on full time. This is very exciting news for me! Finally, I am going to be doing something I like, making more money and I'll get to work from home. Plus, I'll be gaining some great experience for if I ever want to go back to work in a company setting a few years down the road.

I'm hoping that this new job will also give me more time to do things I want to do. I will be cutting about an hour of time I wasted driving to and from work every day. I even plan on blogging more!

Now, I haven't given my two weeks notice yet at my current job. I wanted to be sure everything works out smoothly this weekend first. If all goes well, I am going to inform my work on Monday that my last day will be 7/25 or so.

Speaking of blogging more, I've decided that I opened this blog because I didn't like my current job, so now that I am leaving it I will also be leaving this blog. But have no fear! Come on over to my other site at WackyQuote.com.

So long blog... thanks for the memories. (I'll make one last post here on my last day.)

Not invited?

2006-06-14T14:04:00.000-05:00

OK... I must not have been a very good "party-er" at the last potluck we had, because this time, I didn't even get the invitation!

Everytime someone turns 50 here, which is like every couple months, they throw a potluck. They make the birthday person wear this stupid red boa and hat and carry around one of those gimmick canes with the horn, rear view mirror and blinking lights. It's soo annoying.

I heard about it a couple weeks ago. Normally someone will pass around a sheet with stuff that people could bring. (LAME! THEY PRE-DETERMINE THE MENU. AND IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME!) Somebody must have either crossed my name off for me, or they just left it off intentionally. Nobody even came and asked me if I was joining them. It's like a conspiracy; everyone was in on it to keep me out of their precious potluck.

In reality, I'm not really bumming that much, because sitting around listing to old people jokes during my lunch break isn't exactly what I call a good time. I would have like a piece of cake though.

Check this out..

2006-06-06T10:35:00.000-05:00

Not too long ago I told you about this big website project I was working on, but since it wasn't live yet, I didn't post the URL. We've made it live, so I thought I would post the URL here and you all can check out my work. Basically everything on this site I designed and programmed. (Before you say anything, remember, it's what the client asked for and he is happy... so.....)

To protect myself, I am not going to post a direct link or even the full name. You'll have to do a little bit of work to see it, but I think you can figure it out.

Here it is: w-w-w (dot) Jf Of Bf Ff Af Vf Of Rf Sf =dot= c0m

In the words of World Wrestling Entertainment, get the "f" out (and the spaces too!)

It sucks!

2006-06-01T13:54:00.000-05:00

We have this tracking software. It sucks.

Anyone can enter a record and then I or one of my co-workers will assign it to ourselves. It sucks.

The only thing people in the processing areas look at is who is it assigned to, so when the person who enters the record makes a mistake, the processing areas call me and tell me that I did it wrong. It sucks.

What have I been up to lately...

2006-05-17T15:22:00.000-05:00

Things are basically unchanged. I've neglected my blog for a long time, so let's catch up.

- I have won a cool prize playing Google's Davinci Code Quest.
Yep. I am a big winner! The contest was 24 puzzles that had to be completed. One puzzle was released each day. The first 10,000 to complete all 24 puzzles won a replica Cryptex (see pic below.) Basically though, it boiled down to the first 10,000 that completed the last puzzle. From what I have seen, you had to have completed the last puzzle within about 11 minutes of when it was released. I completed it in 7. Also, because I am one of the 10,000 finalists, I get to play the final round, which starts this Friday. It's pretty exciting I guess, though I doubt I have much chance to win. There is only 1 grand prize winner. The grand prize is 4 trips (NY, Paris, London and Rome) and a bunch of electronics from Sony.

Image of the Cryptex that I won.

- I have become, unfortunately, the Access Guru.
Sounds like a good title, but it really sucks. My company thinks that they can just use me to create whatever Access db/app they dream up. It all started because I created a "letters database" for my supervisor and a couple other people in the area. It's pretty basic... it allows them to input some info into forms, saves it, then allows them to print out preformatted letters. Now because I did that, they are dreaming up all kinds of things they want me to do. The main problem I have with this is that I am being paid to be an Administrative Assistant. If they want me to do all these Access programs, then I think I should be getting at least Analyst pay. It feels like they are taking advantage of me so that they don't have to pay the IT department to create software for them. (The IT department charges a per hour rate for the other departments... kinda wierd too.)

They came to me with a huge project. I can't go into too much details, of course, because I want to keep my confidentiality safe for now... They want to integrate a web app with no direct database access into an Access program. It's a screwed up system to begin with, we do not "own" the web app therefore we cannot make changes to it and the web app itself is going to go through a major upgrade in about 3-4 months, so anything I do know will need a major upgrade at that time. I haven't started this project yet, as they just came to me with it last week. Can I just say I don't want to do it?

- Related... my department loves Access, so I reported them!
There's one "major" Access program that is used by my department. It's against company policy to hold passwords in an Access database, but this one does. And it's unlocked, so that anybody could view anyone else's passwords. Brilliant! So I reported it. The other day, I had a meeting about the new Access DB that I mentioned above and they read an "annonymous tip" they received through the audit channels. Hmm, they all wondered who it was. My lips were sealed.

- Need a website?
I have been doing freelance web programming since January when I found the site scriptlance.com. It started as just something to do, but I've actually made some decent money doing it. Now I found a guy from New York City that owns a web developement business and I work part time for him. He pays hourly almost as much as I make here. I'm considering quitting working here so I can do that full time. I have less than 2 months left until I am vested at this job, so I wouldn't quit it until then. But then I have to worry about health insurance and related benefits too, so who knows.

You might ask why I don't just find a job as a web programmer locally? I have tried. It's pretty difficult because of a couple reasons: This market is very picky about degrees and experience and I don't have a degree and my professional experience is limited even though my personal experience is more, and most companies in this area use Microsoft web development tools where I am most familiar with other tools.

If you're interested...
Both of these are my personal sites:
WackyQuote
DIYAutoTech
I have one more personal site in development. I'll let you know when it's finished, but I'm not really putting much time into it. Too many other projects to do first.

As far as other peoples projects...
Mostly I have done just some scripting and customizing lately. No full sites that I can show you yet. I am working on one large site, but it's not released yet. Going to be going into testing starting this weekend. When it gets released, I can post here if anyone is interested.

So there you have it. Sorry I've been "in hiding."

Nearing 5000

2006-05-09T17:03:00.000-05:00

Wow that's cool. My hit counter at the bottom of the page is getting really close to 5,000! Man, if I would bother posting every once in a while and maybe visiting a view other blogs now and again, I bet that would be much higher.

So...

2006-04-21T15:34:00.000-05:00

I walked up to the "security guard", gave him a suspicious look, then asked him for ID... He told me to get lost.

I thought that was the number I called.

2006-04-10T12:53:00.000-05:00

About half the of the phone calls I receive I can't even do anything to help, because they need a different department. So, you think, no big deal, just transfer them up right? NO! We are not allowed to transfer calls between departments. Yep, it's that crazy. Oh, and if you do try to transfer a call to this one department, they will chew you out and say "No, they have to hang up and dial the 800 number."

Sooo many times, I've had to tell this to customers and soooo many times they say something like "Well I tried that number but it's only an automated system. I can't get ahold of anybody to talk to and I've pressed every option." How frustrating! I have a "special" number that will transfer them right into the queue; they get the next call center rep available, but I can't even use it.

The way the 800 number for this other department works is first some computer recorded guy talks to you for about 5 minutes, then he starts to list the options (in legthy detail), but any one of the options sounds like it could be the right choice. After he reads options 1-4, he talks for about another minute, then finally, he says, if you would like to talk to a representative, press 5. Not 0... 5! What the hell is that!?!?

Of course, it's still not excusable when I tell the customer to hang up and redial the other number and they say to me... "I thought that was the number I called, but ok, I'll try again..."

Things I did at work today.

2006-03-31T12:02:00.000-06:00

* Wandered around the halls looking for loose change that might have fallen out of somebodys pockets.
* Took a 3 hour break to revive myself from a post-tramatic stress incident. (traffic)
* Let a noisy cricket loose under a co-workers desk just for the hell of it.
* Measured the "dust-blanket" on my desk behind my monitor at 1/2".
* Continued to Ask Jeeves why he sucks but didn't get the desired results.
* Laughed out loud when someone did a reply to all on an email that was sent company-wide.
* Tried to think of a way to get back at people who leave my name and extension on their voice mail or email auto responders. (Stupid stupid stupid! Don't tell them who I am. There's a "customer service" number that I or the Rubber Clocker answers that you should give instead. Dumbutt. And don't give my last name, gah!) Any ideas let me know.

Do this!

2006-03-24T14:46:00.000-06:00

I had so much fun over at crazy Spinning Girl's blog writing fake spam comments that I wanted to start my own "fake spam" post.

By reading this line, you are hearby required to post a fake spam comment to this (and only this) post. (So ha!)

Have fun and make it funny!

Aw crap!

2006-03-23T10:52:00.000-06:00

I'm back!

2006-03-20T16:36:00.000-06:00

I'm back from my wonderful vacation. I saw alligators, a wild pig, got my picture taken at the southern most point in the lower 48, played golf in March, swam in the Gulf, got tan on most of my body, sunburnt my ears, went to a giant flea market and did other "vacation" things.

I'm leaving!

2006-03-08T09:40:00.000-06:00

Well, not for good... I'm going on a much deserved vacation! I've been working so hard and I need a break, so I'm packing up the family and driving to Florida, Clark Griswold style. We're going to play in the ocean, search for sea shells by the sea shore, chase some alligators, try to speak some mexican to the cubans and try to avoid all the little old grandmas and grandpas driving 80 down the freeway.
You'll know on the 20th if I decided to come back or not...

Prison Cell Phone

2006-03-01T14:39:00.000-06:00

Trying to look busy press
"Prison Cell Phone"

Blogosphere 3/1/06
Story by Lookingbusy

Technology has made our lives better in many ways. The instant communication possible through the use of cell phones and other related technology has increased the efficiency of business and personal life alike. But are we taking it too far? Are we becoming enslaved to high tech gadgets?

Stare at the little "Wacky Quote" box in my sidebar long enough and you will see the phrase "Cell phones? Since when do they give prisoners phones? --lookingbusy" That's kind of a play on words... cell... prisoner cell...

"I smelled just like big smelly guy"

But think about it a little bit. Isn't that sentence profound? Are people with cell phones prisoners?

A local blogger, Dam Assta, claims to use over 5000 text messages per month on her cell phone. 5000!

"I smelled just like big smelly guy," claimed Ms. Assta about the way she feels after a text messaging marathon.

There are some who still have not caught on to the text message craze and I applaud them.

BULL, a blogger from music city had this to say, "5,000 text messages? That's a lot! I think I used about 0 text messages last month/year."

Another local blogger, Gettin G There says, "I simply don't get it. I just don't get the whole concept of it. Maybe because none of the people in my immediate circle have one of these things, so it would be boring for me to be set up with one."

Mr. There does not own a cell phone. He still enjoys the simpler life and not being held captive by technology.

"It still is interesting 'dropping in' on people I know. I can see some of the draw. I guess it all goes back to the fact that we are pack animals. Whatever the masses do, we automatically go along. I'll sit on the sidelines and watch."

It's true what There says, about how Americans tend to "Go along with the pack." Perhaps you'll think twice the next time you reach for your cell phone.

So tell me, has your cell phone turned you into a prisoner?

Happy Happy

2006-02-28T10:49:00.000-06:00

I am still laughing about it. Something really funny happened yesterday to my coworkers.

It all started when my coworkers went off to one of their secret society meetings and left me here to defend the cookies and answer the phones. I'm not really sure what goes on at the secret society meetings; I have never been invited. I always have to stay back and answer the 1 phone call per hour that we receive. In a way, I kinda feel left out, because they all go make decisions, discuss some crap or whatever they do and I am left in the dark. (They never even give me minutes or anything.) But then I remember that I hate those bozos and being stuck in a room with them for an hour would be MUCH worse.

I digress, back to the story...

Whenever they want to hold a meeting of their retarded secret society, they always have me set it up for them by reserving a room and sending the meeting invitations. Usually I put them in 1 of 2 rooms that are in the area, however, both rooms were busy yesterday at the time they requested, so I had to put their meeting in a different area of the building. What did they do? Yep, they went to one of the rooms that they normally go to and stole it from another group. This did not make the other group leader very happy. I got a call from the other group's leader and he asked me if they had reserved room B. I said no, they are supposed to be over in I. This made him quite angry and I guess he left them know it. I think he would have kicked them out, but they had already started a conference call to their supreme leaders or something.

When they got back, Nosy Church Lady came to my desk and said, 'Weren't we supposed to be in room B? Did TM come over here?' I said, 'Yeah, he called me. You were supposed to be over in room I.' Then I showed her the meeting notice and her jaw dropped. 'Oh no, she said. He was really mad. He was in there yelling at us.'

It felt good.

My company has a stupid website.

2006-02-23T12:18:00.000-06:00

I always secretly laugh when I get an email from one of my co-workers. In her signature, it says "Find what your looking for... FAST! www.stupid-company.com"

Our website sucks! Nothing is easy to find. Navagation sucks. Layout sucks. Design sucks. The search capabilities suck. Everything about it sucks.

It is neither easy nor fast to find anything on our website. Almost everyday we have customers call and ask us where they can find something on the website. Usually, this ends up being about a 5-10 minute call while we ourselves have to go out to the site and frantically try to find whatever it is they are trying to look up. Don't even try the search function, that will bring back 100 pages of useless crap from 1993. I usually tell customers, "They just restructured some of the site and moved a few things around. I will have to help you look for it."

Our website does have a lot of information on it, but nobody can find it, including the people that work here. Please don't call me asking where you can find information on our site...

Slacking?

2006-02-22T11:24:00.000-06:00

I guess I would say that I've been slacking lately. I know, it's hard to believe, but it possible that I haven't been living up to my potential.

One of my bosses gave me a list of names and personal phone numbers of people that work here and she wants me to make sure it's up to date. She gave it to me last week and when she checked yesterday to see how I am doing on it, I had to tell her I hadn't started yet. I wonder if it is just because I am lazy unmotivated or because I don't like the idea of a whole list of personal phone numbers being available to almost anyone.

I don't have anything to say...

2006-02-21T16:21:00.000-06:00

I don't really have much to say, so I am going to just make a post to say HI!

HELLO EVERYBODY! HAVE A NICE DAY!

Where your head at? Where your head at?

2006-02-17T14:57:00.000-06:00

If you are truely busy and you want to give me some of your work because you tried, but you just can't finish it, fine. If you want to run around like your nuts, talk on the phone to your buds for 20-30 minutes at a time several times a day, constantly complain about how busy you are and how the boss is on your case about not getting everything done, position yourself 6 inches from my computer monitor when I ask a question about an email or something about our software because you think I am looking at it right now, annoy me by saying 'oh geez' or 'crap now what' every time your phone rings or you receive an email, then why don't you just give me all of your work, go home and stay the hell away so I can do it and sit here and be bored in peace.

This is how it is.

2006-02-14T16:36:00.000-06:00

I need a scam business. Something where I can make a lot of money off of others. Something where I can pay some dork 10 bucks to do a job that makes me 70. Something where the customers pay me a lot of money for some simple service. I could retrieve mail from peoples mail boxes for $10 bucks a month. I mean, I could pay some dude 8 bucks an hour to pick up mail from peoples mailboxes and carry it to the house. Let's see... he could do 60 houses in an hour, 26 days a month, 60 X 10 = 600 net, 26 X 8 = 208 pay, that makes almost 400 a month per 60 houses. Great! Anybody want a job? I am tired of being the dork carrying mail to peoples houses.

Things I did today to annoy my blog readers...

2006-02-13T11:31:00.000-06:00

* NOT make a post in many many days.

* NOT sing in the car, record it and play it on my blog.

* NOT make a joke or be even remotely funny.

* NOT view any other blogs, even if it's on my daily to do list.

* NOT send the pack of Oreos I was promising one blog reader.

* NOT tell them that their blog is great.

* NOT finish this post.

* NOT

Things I did at work today...

2006-02-02T17:12:00.000-06:00

* Thought of a new business idea... expiredcopyrights.com where you could search for copyrights that have expired and take claim of them.
* Watched an IT dude try to figure out how to save as a file.
* Just like every week, I sent out a weekly report that I make and got lots of emails asking what it was, what certain columns mean, etc. I give the same response every week, "I just pull the data from the database. I am not the one entering the data into the database. I don't know why that customer is not listed. I only report what is in the database..."
* Put my headphones on so people wouldn't bother me. It didn't work.
* Kept saying the word 'Barren' as much as possible just to mess with my coworkers.
* Tomorrow I am going to use the word 'Jazzy' as much as possible. My goal is 75 Jazzys.
* Had a very uncoordinated fire drill. The door we were supposed to go through was locked and nobody unlocked it. Had to walk across the building just to get out.

My PEN!

2006-02-01T13:27:00.000-06:00

Nosy Church Lady stopped by my desk eariler. She had some stupid crap she wants me to do. She brought a print out and was making marks on it with my pen. Not my pen that she just picked up. My pen that she brought with her. My pen that "dissapeared" a few weeks ago. My bright green pen that is unmistakably mine. My pen that she stole from me. A few weeks ago. And then has the nerve to use it at my own desk. Right in front of me.

The greatest invention ever for a sales person is...

2006-01-30T15:22:00.000-06:00

The Sales support Staff! If you are a sales rep and you don't have a support staff, I think I can make it pretty convincing why you should get one.

* The sales support staff will do all your paperwork! That's right, you don't have to fill out stupid forms anymore.
* The sales support staff will take the blame when you screw up! Because the support staff are the ones who send out the forms to the customers, they are the ones who receive the phone calls when something isn't right.
* The sales support staff even take the blame from other people in the company. You just tell them what to do and they do it. That way, if you ask them to email another department (say for a change in a customer's billing) and you requested it wrong, the other department will call your support staff and bitch because they are the ones who sent the request.
* The sales support staff will be forced to do your tedious tasks! Got a task you dread? Just give it to the sales support and tell them you are too busy to do it and need their help.
* The sales support staff will answer your phone calls! This is very handy, since a customer may call with a weird or unusal problem. You don't have to sound like an idiot; like you don't know what you are doing. Leave that up to the sales support staff!

Come on! Make yourself feel superior! Get that sales support staff you deserve!

100th post

2006-01-27T10:52:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I made it to 100...

Instead of the "Praise me, look what I can do, aren't I kewl?!?" posts that people usually make for their 100th posts, I want to do something different.

For my 100th post-day present, please visit and leave a comment my new favorite blog Sucky Marketing. (Sorry to anybody who thought the they were my favorite blog...) This dude is funny! I don't know if he works at a suckier company than I do, but his stories are better. So go make a comment. You SHOULD give him a link on your blog, but not even I have the powers to make you do that. But I can make you go comment. So go now!

It's list day

2006-01-24T10:25:00.000-06:00

Since I haven't really done much the past couple days, I have some work related things that are starting to pile up a bit, so today is officially a list day. A list day is where I make a list of all the things I have to get done and I check them off as I finish them. So far I have 10 things on the list, and have already completed 3, but I'd rather just play Sudoku all day.

This blows.

2006-01-23T14:12:00.000-06:00

I don't know why it is that I can sit here and do almost nothing all day and still be upset when The Rubber Clocker's daughter stops by for a 4 hour visit and they look at Rent.Com the whole time. Maybe it's just that I can hear them and it annoys me. Maybe it's that the daughter has one of those stupid Nextel walkie-talkies and uses it about once every 15 minutes to talk to her boyfriend. Maybe it's because after 3 hours, The Rubber Clocker says "Hmm maybe I should get some work done" and then doesn't do anything even remotely work related for the next hour or so. Maybe it's because 40% of their converation is talk about roads or directions. Maybe, maybe, maybe - is it just me?

Retirement party for Lookingbusy, please plan to attend.

2006-01-19T11:21:00.000-06:00

That's right, I'm retiring! Put it on your calendars. I want you all to be there at my retirement party on February 11th, 2093. Wow, only 87 more years of looking busy to go!

Diarr-what-hea?

2006-01-17T15:33:00.000-06:00

The older kid, 8, claimed to be sick today. "Oh my stomach, it hurts so bad. And my diarrhea smells really bad. I almost gagged when I was washing my hands." So I stayed home with him this morning and he stayed in bed for about 2 and a half hours. At about noon, he was looking ok, so I said get dressed we're going to work. I'm not really sure why I brought him in. I could have stayed at home all day. So he is sitting here at my desk drawing pictures. So far he has made a "Cone Wars II: Attack of the Cones" poster and a drawing of Spongebob and Gary with a jellyfish. At least it's not a full day.

I haven't gone to the bathroom yet today.

2006-01-12T14:40:00.000-06:00

I think I am going to go do that now... it's 2:40 for crying out starfish!

Signs you did poorly in your interview.

2006-01-11T11:48:00.000-06:00

* After you leave, you have enough time left in your parking meter to get lunch, go shopping and buy tickets for the upcoming Tony Roberts seminar.
* Interviewer asks questions like, "Are you sure you really want to work at a place like this?"
* Interviewer keeps checking his watch while you are talking.
* When you are getting up to leave, the interviewer gives you a hand shake and says, "Thanks for coming, it was nice to meet you." (as opposed to "Thanks for coming, I'll be in touch with you soon.")
* Also, "We'll let you know the outcome" is another very bad phrase to hear.
* Interviewer uses phrases such as "Well this company is ...." Pretty much anything where they emphasise this company.
* The interviewer asks if you have any experience using their own private, proprietary or in-company made software. Duh!
* After you tell the interviewer about your experience with ____, they pause from their notes and look at you like they are waiting for more.

Not surprisingly, all of these have happend to me.

Bleh

2006-01-09T15:18:00.000-06:00

I think this blog is getting less interesting everyday. Most of my posts aren't even that funny anymore. I started this blog almost 5 months ago because I was bored and I needed something to do. Now, I don't even know if I want to continue it...

Two posts in one week... oops!

2006-01-06T14:30:00.000-06:00

Sorry to all my loyal readers, the agony must have been unbearable... :P

I've been as bored as ever Tuesday - Thursday. I didn't even have interest enough to make a (good) blog entry. Today however is different. I have actually done some work things. I started a list of things I need to get done and have checked quite a few off so far already today. I'm sure more things will be added to the list, and maybe I'll even do them. My current mood is: Accomplished.

Now, let's get to Some Lies I Told Today

1) Nosy Church Lady, your gossip is so fulfilling. The way you threaten our coworkers behind their backs is amazing.
2) Your mom goes to college. Hehehe.
3) I have a sweet collection of limited edition Pokemon Bratz dolls. My favorite is the Picachu with the button down fly.
4) Staring into the sun can have lasik-like effects on your eyeballs.
5)

Look at that, I didn't even finish.

A rose by any other name...

2006-01-03T14:22:00.000-06:00

I've decided that whenever Alwayslate has someone in her cube and is "chatting," I should be allowed to do whatever I want. Play games, read blogs, eBay some old used office supplies, work on mad schemes to take over the world, look for new jobs, work on my rubber band ball, etc. Now I will have even more down time to play with, w00t!

Speaking of Alwayslate, she needs a new name. Every since I complained to my boss that she doesn't take her lunch breaks, which are required by company policy, and 3 1/2 months later when my boss finally told her that she has to take her lunch breaks, she has been coming in earlier. Her timesheet says as early as 7:00 am some days. She still plays with her time quite a bit. 9 hours one day, 6 hours another, 11 hours a different day; it all seems like an elaborate scheme to trick everybody into thinking she is here more than she really is.

There's an old saying called rubber clocking. Basically, rubber clocking means that you are reporting your start and end (and break) times slightly off so that your recorded time is more than your actual time. So, from now on: Alwayslate shall be known as The Rubber Clocker.

Such is the story of my life.

2005-12-30T10:09:00.000-06:00

Thank you for you time in meeting with us on Tuesday December 20th. Unfortunately, based on your experience
and other candidates that have applied, we cannot offer you a position at this time. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Bleh... At least the blog is safe

Things I did at work today.

2005-12-28T14:37:00.000-06:00

1) Stared at a Word document for 90 minutes. Occationally type things like "stoopid losers work here" and "you must avenge my death, rat sucker."
2) Crawled under my desk to hide from the world.
3) Found an old banana peel under there.
4) Searched for jobs... nothing looks fun.
5) Tricked a co-worker with short arms into thinking there was a kick me sign on his back.
6) Decided that the phrase "Your village is missing it's idiot" is way overrated and overused.
7) Tried not to let my disappointment in everything show.

Sigh...

2005-12-27T16:17:00.000-06:00

Merry Xmas aka Don't cross Christ out of Christmas

2005-12-22T17:02:00.000-06:00

Since this will be my last post before Christmas, I just wanted to say...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!

If you see Santa, let him know that I haven't receive my bottle of Hennessey yet and that I know where he lives.

I am half a man.

2005-12-20T13:58:00.000-06:00

This just in. I am half a man. Well, apparently I am, anyways. Read on!

In an email sent to the department, quoth the Nosy one, "we have 1 and a half sales support staff." Really, I am a half of a person? You know, even slaves were counted as 3/5's so I don't even rank that high. Maybe that is the reason that I was told, 'The rest of us are going to eat lunch in the executive dining room, so we will be gone for a couple hours. If you want lunch, you better go before 12.' Yep, they get some free fancy lunch and I am forced to eat an hour earlier than I normally do because I have to be their phone monkey.

Anyway, back to the email. Now that we have "1 and a half" sales support staff, we were "asked" to start doing a new task. Wait, let me restate that so it's truthful. We were told that I would have to start doing a new task. It's just an addition to another task that we are supposed to both be doing, but I seem to be the only one doing it. Therefore, I will be the one to take on this new task.

Seems to me that if I am only half an employee, I should only be required to do half the work.

Part II.

The interview went good today! Yep, I had an interview for a "Junior Developer" position. It sounds like it's something I might actually like. Mostly creating Access DBs, Crystal Reports and the likes at first, then possibly getting into more programming about 6 months down the road. I hope they call me for a second interview.

Nosy nosy nosy...

2005-12-19T16:51:00.000-06:00

I can't stand it. Everybody here is so nosy. Not just Nosy Church Lady. E-v-e-r-y b-o-d-y. They want to know everything about everybody, especially me. (Because I don't tell them or because I am so hot? Probably both.)

NOSY!

I hate when people obviously lean over to glance at my caller id when the phone rings.
I hate when people stand right outside your wall when I am on call.
I hate when people ask me what I did last weekend and a simple "nothing too exciting" isn't good enough.
I hate when people think that they are free to dig through my pile of crap* on my desk.
I hate when people stare at me when they walk by.
I hate when people tell me that the print on my computer screen is too small**.
I hate when people assume that I will help them with anything.
I hate when people ask me what I am eating for lunch everyday.
I hate when people look at the pictures on my desk for more than 5 seconds.
I hate when people touch anything I have on my desk.
I hate when people I work with call me at work when they are not a work.
I hate when people slap me on the back.
I hate when people give me advice.
I hate when people enter my cube without asking.

Et cetera...

* The "pile of crap" is my affectionate term for the pile of papers that I keep. They are not quite garbage (because there is a small chance that I will need something in a couple weeks), not quite worth keeping (because after a month or two, they will be garbage), they are just a pile of crap.
** I have my resolution set to the highest setting possible for two reasons: 1) I can fit more crap on the screen. 2) The smaller size writting makes sure that less people can see what I am doing.

Well, doesn't that just take the berries!

2005-12-13T12:19:00.000-06:00

You know that feeling you get when you are about to do something that you know you should be avoiding? I'm not talking about sitting outside of a convenience store just before you are about to put a gun in the clerk’s face, I’m talking about normal, everyday things that you know you are going to hate. Like a black hole, it sucks you in past the point of no return and you are forced to sit there and take it.

That happened to me. Today.

Scenario: Company installs new copy machines. I, being the department (pseudo) admin, am invited to a “copier training session.”

(Yes pseudo-admin. I perform some tasks that would qualify me as an administrative assistant, but department contact I am not. Unfortunately, with the title, comes the job.)

I do not need copier training. I know how to copy a piece of paper. I can make it staple, print double-sided and all that fancy stuff. The first email and voicemail message about the training goes unanswered. Hey, she’s not in my department, so what do I care. Finally, I get another email message saying how important it is for me to attend. The black hole has me.

First of all, I arrive to the training on time. The trainer however, did not. I was sent back to my cubical to wait for a call to tell me when she arrives.

The call comes and I walk over to where the training is to be held, at the copier. A one hour training session standing at a copy machine… need I say more? Yes? Ok, I will.

As I approach the copy machine, I see about 8 women, all at least twice my age. One clearly has a temporary badge pinned to her shirt, so I can identify immediately who the trainer is. As I draw nearer, the trainer says to me, ‘Oh, looks like you’re the one making us wait, huh?’ Huh? No, I can’t even dignify that with a response.

If you’ve ever been around many older women that work together, you could imagine the scene. Multitudes of questions on the simplest of tasks. Asking things that are clearly beyond the scope of a copier. Example: ‘Can you make a copy of a check, front and back, and have it print on the same sheet of paper in just one step?’ I seriously don’t know why you would want to be able to do that, but clearly it cannot be done. (After the trainer said no, I heard somebody say ‘Oh, I was hoping that this new copier would be able to do that.’ Duh.)

There is a good possibility that the trainer missed her train the trainer sessions. She was bad. Mumbling, forgetting to reset the copier after reducing an image and breaking the machine. That’s right, she broke our new copier.

She opened up the front panel to show us how to clear a paper jam. She removed a couple of the inside parts. She showed us how, if you don’t put it all together just right, the door will not close. She could not get the door closed. 15 times she adjusted and played with knobs and switches to try to get the door to close, but it wouldn’t. ‘Well, doesn’t that take the berries.’ She proclaimed.

They finally called up somebody else to help her. ‘One of the plastic latches for one of the inner parts is broken,’ he declared. Brilliant.

At least I looked busy for an hour. The training was a joke; I learned nothing.

The other guy that came down to fix the machine after she broke it said to me as I was leaving, ‘Did you get all that?’ Yeah mister, I got it. Next time, I need to be more careful of the black holes.

Bleh!

2005-12-09T16:37:00.000-06:00

I thought I would get better response than this! Oh well...

Space adventures blog

Stardate: 1 jillion (number)

Watch out Lookingbusy (Name of your favorite blogger), there’s a train (Noun (Large object) heading right at you! I saw Lookingbusy (same favorite blogger) jiggle (Verb) out of the way just in time. You can never be too pretty (adjective) here in space. Besides dodging space junk, we have been busy searching for noisy (adjective) dildos (noun). We have visited smarmy (adjective) planets and distant staplers (noun) but all we have found so far is sanitary napkins (plural noun). The aliens we have met are all smelly (adjective). One particularly sticky (adjective) alien gave us a hard time. We had to give him all of our birds (plural noun) just so he wouldn’t jump (verb) us. Space life sure is green (adjective).

Posted by The Great Bambino (Fantasy/Nick name for yourself)

OK, I lied...

2005-12-08T16:22:00.000-06:00

Madlibs will be tomorrow. We need more entries! C'mon, I know there are lurkers here. Go down to the Real MadLibs post and make your entry. Do it NOW!

For today, I leave with you a joke.

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, 'Wow, it's hot in here.' The other muffin says, 'Wow, a talking muffin!'

You might not think that's very funny, but try telling it to a seven year old.

Real MadLibs

2005-12-07T14:02:00.000-06:00

The other day I saw somebody (I don’t remember who) was doing MadLibs, but it sucked because they gave the story and you just had to come up with funny words. Today I am doing real MadLibs. Post your words in the comments today, tomorrow I will post the story and fill in the funniest words submitted.

Please give me a:

Number: _____
Name of your favorite blogger: ______
Noun (Large object): ______
Verb: _____
Adjective: _____
Adjective: _____
Noun: _____
Adjective: _____
Noun: _____
Pural Noun: _____
Adjective: _____
Adjective: _____
Pural Noun: _____
Verb: _____
Adjective: _____
Fantasy/Nick name for yourself: _____

Things that can get you in trouble at work.

2005-12-06T17:04:00.000-06:00

Don't make the same mistakes I did.

1) Calling your boss Punky Brewster. (As in 'Can I go home yet, Punky Brewster?')
2) Playing Limp Bizkit without headphones, even at a reasonable volume between 10 and 12 when you are collating.
3) Suggesting to everyone that the department manager sleeps in a casket and turns into a bat at night.
4) Starting a bon fire in your cubical.
5) Letting a mouse loose just to see how many women get up on top of their desks.
6) Laughing hysterically when you see a man get up on top of his desk because he saw the mouse.
7) Printing 200 copies of this picture on the color printer.
8) Looking out the window with a binoculars for 2-3 hours at a time.
9) Wear your close backwards a la Kris Kross.
10) Whistle your favorite Kanye West song non stop.

Where do you get your ideas?

2005-12-05T15:33:00.000-06:00

I was just wondering where everybody gets ideas for what they are going to post. I realized today, that most of my ideas happen during my walk to, use of, and subsequent return from the can (you know, the crapper.) It is how I got the idea for this post. :)

$400 for that?

2005-12-02T16:13:00.000-06:00

I googled "Tryingtolookbusy" and the only thing I found, other name my blog, was this drawing somebody was trying to sell. No, it's not me and no I didn't draw it.

Check it out! http://danschultzfineart.com/images/drawings/dhtml/tryingtolookbusy.html

“How to get ahead” or “Advantage Player”

2005-12-02T11:19:00.000-06:00

Some of you may be wondering what you can do to look like a model employee with minimal effort, so I am putting this little guide together to help you out. This is not complete, of course, so if you have any tips, please let us know!

• Try to find a job where there is a lot of turn over. Managers and supervisors hate turnover, so if you are in a job that has a lot of it and you stay there longer than most of the other employees, they will be very happy with you.

• Try to find a job where they will be hiring more people after you are hired. Being the “new guy” is not enjoyable and you will be in a higher standing with your boss if there are other people who know less about the job than you do. (However, when you are the new guy, make sure you make use of the following phrases on your co-workers {Never your boss}: ‘No, I’m not trained on that’, ‘Sorry, I haven’t learned that task yet’, ‘Could you please help me with my TPS reports, apparently there’s some memo that I didn’t get.’)

• Brownnose. And get good at it. Who cares what the other employees think? You are there for you.

• If your boss is of the opposite sex, especially if your boss is a man and you are a woman, make sure you smile nicely at them every time you see them. You would never want to cross the line to something that could be considered flirting, but charming your boss should be something you do daily. Overuse of manners is definitely encouraged.

• When the boss gives you small tasks, something that they want done by the end of the day, do it right away and hand it to them as soon as possible. They will be impressed that you did it so quickly and still have time for the rest of your work.

• When the boss gives you large tasks and sets a deadline, you don’t have to start these right away. You should break the task down into 2-4 parts which you can space out over the deadline. Let’s say your boss gives you 2 weeks to do a project. First, you need to put it off for at least 3 days to think about it. Then you can work on it for about 2-3 hours in one day. Take a couple days break and then work 2-3 hours on it again. By then, if you still aren’t done with it, you still have 3-4 days left to complete it. You should turn it in 2-3 days early, but never more than 4 days early or the boss will give you shorter deadlines in the future.

• If the boss walks by and catches you looking at a website, you had better make sure that they don’t catch you again that day. A good idea is to have your email or a spreadsheet open behind the browser window so that you can bring that to the front as soon as you hear someone coming.

• Don’t have a clean desk. At the same time, don’t have an overly messy desk. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Your desk should have a bunch of work spread across it, even if it is just papers and looks like work.

• Every once in a while, come up with some “fantastic new idea” for you boss. It could be anything that you don’t already do. You could make a little flip board that says where you are, (lunch, break, copy room, vacation, left for the day, etc) which you can leave on your desk if you away from it. Your boss will be impressed with your ingenuity.

• One way to get ahead with coworkers: When they start complaining about another coworker or boss, you never want to agree with them, but you want them to think you agreed with them. It is kind of a tricky task. You will just need to make sounds, not words; at least not words that say you agree. Example: ‘Wannabe Bimbo told that customer that she needs to fill out form B when they really need forms C and D and need to be changed with accounting. I told her how to do it. She’s so dumb.’ Your response: ‘Hmm, really?’

Three things happened in this situation:
• Your coworker thinks you agreed and are on their side.
• Your coworker ranks you higher than the person they complain about.
• If the boss ever finds out about your coworkers complaints, you can say, ‘Yeah, she came and complained to me all the time, even though I never wanted to be involved.’

Hopefully you have some more tips to help us all out. Let me know!

Things you can do with an extra 5 dollar bill.

2005-12-01T18:07:00.000-06:00

Got an extra five? Got a stoopid friend? Here are some things you can make your buddy do by telling him you will pay him 5 bucks.

* Make him suck on a cow's udder.

* Give him a stick of butter and make him shove the whole thing in his mouth.

* Make him put on lipstick and earings and mascara on one eye only. Then he has to go into the local Walgreen's, buy some mascara and tell the clerk he ran out.

* Take your dog to his house. Tell him that the dog just pooped and if he doesn't wipe it's butt, it is going to rub it all over the carpet, because that's what he does. Offer him 5 bucks if he wipes your dogs butt.

* Tell him to throw a snowball at a police car.

* Go to Burger King. Have him say to the chick behind the register "Hey babe, you're hot. How 'bouts you hookin' me up with a free Big Mac? ... Next time I see you at the Seven Eleven, I'll give you a free slurpee, c'mon. :)"

* Roll up a 8X10 sheet of paper and make him walk around with it in his mouth all day likes he's smoking a 10 inch cigarette. He should ask for a light whenever possible.

* Make him sing Dancing Queen on the karaoke.

* Have him follow that up with Beat It or Walk Like a Man.

* Have him go to a nursing home and pretend to be a panty salesman. He could ask the old women how much they currently spend on panties and that he could provide them with substantial savings.

Gotta love retards.

2005-11-30T13:38:00.000-06:00

Wannabe bimbo is dumb. It's a proven fact. Now, let me prove it again.

On Monday, she asked Alwayslate to set up a couple meetings for her. Since Alwayslate is a lazy bum, she asked me to do it for her. Now, this is something that isn't very difficult, only taking about 15 minutes or so and since I didn't have anything better to do, I did it for Alwayslate for Wannabe Bimbo.

Now, this is where it gets interesting... Today, Wannabe Bimbo gets an email from the person who is apparently supposed to be running the meetings asking for information so that she can set up them up. Wannabe Bimbo forwards it to me and asks what we should do. So, I told her that I already contacted our customers and set the meetings up and that I didn't know about this mysterious other party who is supposed to be running the meetings. I said, "It sounds like we may have gotten a little ahead of ourselves when we set these meetings up."

Response from WB - "Thank you [lookingbusy]! You are so efficient!"

What?!?! That was not the response I expected, but like I said, she doesn't get it.

Just some things that happend

2005-11-28T10:23:00.000-06:00

The other day, Alwayslate's daughter came in for a visit. Let's call her Personal Issues Girl. Another coworker from the next department over walked by and saw Personal Issues Girl at Alwayslate's desk and had to stop by to chat with them and annoy me.

Talk quickly moved to Alwayslate's ex-husband and Personal Issues Girl's father. Apparently he has been sober for 7 months now and they all thought it was just great.

Annoying coworker from other department: "So, [Personal Issues Girl], what about you? How long have you been sober?"
Personal Issues Girl: "A little over 5 months for me."
Annoying coworker from other department: "Wow, that's great."
Personal Issues Girl: "Yeah, but I really miss it."
Annoying coworker from other department: "When I was younger I tried speed a few times."
Personal Issues Girl: "Oooohhh, I love that stuff. It's my favorite."

Then, annoying coworker from other department went on to talk about how she thinks her neighbor was cooking meth all the time. Personal Issues Girl described in semi-full detail on how to make meth. She asked about the smell and confirmed that the neighbors were doing what Annoying Coworker from the other department thought they were doing.

Hence the name, Personal Issues Girl.

And it annoyed me very much.

Things I did at work today.

2005-11-23T11:56:00.000-06:00

- Researched CB talk.
- Asked Wannabe Bimbo if she has a clue. She does not, but she offered me a fun size Snickers bar. I accepted.
- Calculated that I have only 232 days, 11 hours, 15 minutes and 52 seconds until I am vested and my ‘Hard Earned’ retirement money is safe.
- Asked the person who delivers the mail how much it would cost to mail myself to see what was cheaper, Frontier or FedEx. Can anybody guess which one is more comfortable?
- Practiced my online stalking skills. I am pretty good, but I could be better.
- Glued a nickel to the floor hoping that the hot girls from the other department stop by, try to pick it up and I get a chance to check out their butts.
- So far, I have seen 3 ugly butts and no hot butts.
- Wished all my blogging friends a happy T-Day!

American Indian History?

2005-11-21T12:42:00.000-06:00

Apparently, it's American Indian History month. So, to promote some kind of 'diversity awareness' my work has decided to setup a teepee in the main lobby. I went down to check it out the other day and I was bewildered at what I saw.

First of all, I’m not really sure how a teepee display in the lobby helps promote any awareness. Sure, there may be a historic element there, but do we really want people to think that Indians still live in teepees? Most people gave up living in teepees over 100 years ago when houses proved to be better.

When I saw the monstrosity, I immediately thought ‘Oh my God, what have they done?’ Let me describe. The teepee stands at approximately 25 feet tall. The base is about 12 feet in diameter. Larger than any teepee I have ever seen before. It is colored bright red, orange and yellow, has silhouettes of buffalo, coyotes and the horizon and made out of vinyl. The large poles that hold it up look suspiciously fabricated. Upon closer inspection, the vinyl material has machine-sewed seams running all over it. There are straps sewn on the bottom that are supposed to go around the poles to hold the sides down.

The display was disappointing. I was anticipating an authentic teepee, not one that was made at a factory. Aren’t there any Indians left that make authentic teepees using trees they cut down and cattle hides? (Of course, teepees used to be constructed with buffalo hides, but that would not be practical today.)

My work had a chance to exhibit something really interesting, something that could have taught about real American Indian life hundreds of years ago, but instead they just up put a huge orange and yellow thing that I have to walk around.

Priceless

2005-11-18T10:11:00.000-06:00

Bottle of Boone's Farm... $2.99

New utility knife... $1.49

Needle and thread... $1.99

Assorted bandages... $3.49

Neutering your dog for less than 10 bucks... priceless

Uh oh.

2005-11-16T13:39:00.000-06:00

My friend, Getting There thinks that my blog is so great. He sent me a copy of his favorite movie, The Pacifier along with this note.

Lookingbusy, I really appriciate your blog. Every day it brings me humor and laughter. I think it's great! This is my most favorite movie ever. I hope you enjoy it too.
Sincerely,
Getting There

Well, Getting There, thank you so much for the crappiest movie ever made.

For you, Ten things I would rather do than watch The Pacifier.

1) Set my hair on fire.
2) Smash myself in the head with a ball peen hammer.
3) Ask the guy with the sign that says "Will Work For Food" what his qualifications are.
4) Ask my coworker how her weekend was. (Don't do it!)
5) Pluck my fingernails off.
6) Walk to Nova Scotia.
7) Drive a Ford.
8) Have lyposuction performed on my eyeballs.
9) Read your blog.
10) Wake up from a nap looking at the south end of a skunk heading north.

Crazy things you can do to pass the time.

2005-11-10T10:36:00.000-06:00

- Pretend that you have a really bad cough, that way, if anybody stops by your desk, you can start a coughing fit and they will leave saying, "Excuse me, I'll come back later."

- Challenge your coworkers to a duo. If they agree, count to three then slap them in the eyeball. If they decline, say 'That's what I thought, Frenchy.'

- When you are outside, look up at the sky and point. People will gather around to see what you are looking at. If they ask, tell them you see a key bird. Play it out. You can say things like 'Can't you see it?' and 'It's right there, in the sky.'

- Make a sign for your car that says Human Organ Transportation - Fresh Organs on Board. That way, traffic will move out of your way and you will be able to get home faster.

- Pile sandbags in front of your cubical door. When the boss walks by duck down behind the sandbags and shout out 'German solders spotted, somebody throw a grenade.'

- Get on a crowded elevator. Pick a floor that somebody has already pushed the button for (lets say 2.) Press the already lit 2 button. Twice. Stand back. Say 'Could somebody push 2 for me?' Then squeeze your way through a couple people and press 2 again. When you get to the second floor, stay on the elevator.

- Instead of pictures of your family, bring pictures of farm animals to work and set them on your desk. If anybody asks, you can tell them that your family is part of the witness protection program and they are living on a farm somewhere in Kansas. The only contact you have had with them in 3 years is these pictures that they have sent you.

- Make a post on your blog telling everybody how smart, good looking and funny I am. Link to my blog and suggest that everyone reads it. Say 'This is grade A, top choice meat, folks.' If you do this, I will include your name and blog on one of my hilarious posts and I have a couple of really good ideas already.

Let me help you out... this goes in the EDIT HTML tab.

<b>Trying to look busy at work?</b>
Check out the <a href="http://tryingtolookbusy.blogspot.com">Trying to look busy blog.</a> The author, lookingbusy, is very smart, very good looking and his blog is hilarious. You need to read it. This is grade A top choice meat, folks. <a href="http://tryingtolookbusy.blogspot.com">You can look busy too!</a>

I am going on a long weekend. I'll be back on Wednesday. I'll see you in the Arch.

Fun things to "autocorrect"

2005-11-09T10:00:00.000-06:00

Sneak on to your coworkers computers and change their MS Word autocorrect settings so when they type in a common word, it changes to something else.

Examples:
- "what" change to "huh"
Huh? You are going to do huh?

- "ask" change to "slap"
Why do you always slap me? Can't you slap somebody else?

- "tots" change to "little round potato thingys"
Hey Napoleon, are you going to eat your little round potato thingys?

- "master" change to "bitch"
What kind of lock is that? It's a bitch.

- "golf" change to "smoke"
Tomorrow I am going to smoke with my buddies. Hopefully the greens aren't as fast as the last time we smoked.

- "lazy" change to "looking busy"
I can't beleive it. [lookingbusy] is so looking busy.

It's annoying.

2005-11-08T14:14:00.000-06:00

I was on the elevator with another woman. She had to hurry up and rush to get off in front of me. Then, she walks super slow, right in my way. Idiot!

My weekend, minute by minute.

2005-11-07T16:58:00.000-06:00

I have decided that either I am A) The Luckiest Worst Hunter or B) The Unluckiest Best Hunter. Here's the breakdown of the weekend.

Saturday:

6:15 AM - Arrived at hunting location. Grabbed hat, gloves, gun and portable tree stand.

6:30 AM - Walked down trail, saw a hunter in the location I wanted to be in, so turned around, headed down a different trail.

6:45 AM - Found a suitable location, walked 75 yards into the woods and set up portable tree stand. View was decent, except for some heavy brush in one direction.

9:30 AM - The time we were supposed to meet at the cars, but I didn't have a watch on. I was waiting for my uncle and cousin to walk back down the trail, but they took a different way back.

9:40 AM - Heard some DRN (deer related noise) from behind the heavy brush.

9:50 AM - Was watching for the deer to appear from behind the brush. Finally saw a butt and a tail walked the other direction. Had about 1/2 second to aim and shoot, and even then it would have been a butt shot, so I didn't shoot.

10:15 AM - Haven't seen uncle and cousin yet, so I got down, took down stand because I didn't like the location that much (couldn't see behind the heavy brush) and headed back to the cars.

10:30 AM - Got back to the cars just as everyone else is heading back into the woods. Borrowed a watch. So far, only 1 other person has seen a deer and they weren't able to get a shot off either.

11:00 AM - Headed back into the woods.

11:20 AM - Went back to where I had the stand earlier. Since I didn't have any marking tape, I put an extra hat in the tree for a marker. Headed back deeper into the woods, about another 75 yards. Found a decent tree to put the stand in.

11:30 AM - Got the stand up in the tree and climbed up. The view was very good. This time, I got the stand up a couple feet higher, and the heavy brush that was giving me problems before was easier to see through, because I was a little higher above it.

1:20 PM - No deer seen, only mice and squirrels. Time to head back to the cars for lunch.

1:30 PM - Ate lunch at the cars, predicted that I would shoot a deer in the evening, because I had a perfect spot. Two people saw the same deer, and one took a shot at it, but missed it.

2:15 PM - Walked back out to the stand.

3:45 PM - Thought I heard some DRN; waited.

4:15 PM - Heard more DRN, while lookin around, saw a back leg of a deer go just of out site. Figured "What the hey" and try to do my best Burp Grunt (I don't have a deer call.) It worked! The deer turned around and started walking straight at my stand. It was a small doe, and I could have shot it easily, I decided to pass on it, because I figured a bigger one would come along. She walked to within 15 yards of my stand, and stopped to look around. She looked up and saw me, but didn't run. Instead, she just turned around and walked the other way.

4:30 PM - Head more DRN and saw another small doe. I decided I better take this one. I didn't want to get back to the other guys and tell them I passed on two deer. As I was watching it and waiting for an opportunity to pull the trigger, I heard some loud walking from behind me. So, I was watching both sides, the small doe I could see, and trying to find what was making so much noise behind me.

4:45 PM - The small doe wasn't moving anywhere fast, and I could still see her. I haven't been able to spot the other deer yet, but I'm sure there is one down there. Then, for some unknown reason, my throat gurgles a little bit. In the area I was watching to try to find the deer that I heard, I see two big deer, one with a nice rack on it jump back into the deeper woods and I never had a chance. The small doe on the other side of me was also gone.

5:10 PM - Getting dark fast. Had to get out on to the trail before I'd get lost.

Sunday:

6:15 AM - Arrived back at the hunting area. I left the stand in the tree overnight, so I wouldn't make any loud noises when I was getting there, but since I am such a nice guy, and my brother was complaining that he never sees anything, I told him he could use my spot in the morning. It was still kinda dark and a little foggy, so I walked him out there.

6:45 AM - I walked further down the trail and found a nice little log to sit on. Nothing happend for a long time, except dew was dripping from the tree tops.

8:30 AM - I was just sitting, being quite, then all of a sudden a deer took off running. It was about 40 yards away to start but it was gone a just a couple seconds. It snuck up on me, I didn't even hear it. It must have smelt me.

9:30 AM - Back at the cars. My brother told me how much my spot sucks, so I told him that it's just because he doesn't know how to use it. We had a broken thermos (it didn't keep stuff hot) so we shot it a bunch of times.

10:30 AM - The rest of the guys decided to move down the road about 1/2 mile. Since my stand was still in the tree, I stayed.

1:05 PM - Nothing happening, started the 20 minute 1 1/4 mile back for lunch.

2:00 PM - One of the vehicles wasn't working right, spent some time trying to get it running.

2:35 PM - Headed back to the stand. Took a shortcut, this time it was only 15 minutes.

2:50 PM - Just about to the spot where I turn in to go to my stand, two white tails popup and start running. But, instead of running deeper into the woods, they were running parallel to the path. So, what do you think I do. I started booking it down the path, loaded rifle in hand, hoping that either the run across the path or get to a spot where I can stop and get a shot off. But to no avail, they turned into the woods.

3:00 PM - Walking back to my stand very slowly, just hoping that the deer were still in the area. I did hear some DRN, I think, but it could have just been squirrels.

3:15 PM - Finally get to the stand. For the next 20 minutes, I heard a fawn calling on one side and two distinctly different deer grunting on the other side of me, but they must have walked around, because I never saw them.

4:45 PM - I thought I heard a squirrel making some noise behind me, so I didn't check it out at first. After I finally look, a medium doe is walking around just on the other side of the brush. Gun up, but I can't find her in the scope. It was getting dark and she blended right into the small trees and brushy stuff.

5:10 PM - Now it's getting really dark. Time to get out of the woods before I get lost; I gotta take down the stand still. In one last effort, I tried whistling really loud to try to get any deer in the area to run, so I could see them, but I didn't see or hear anything.

5:20 PM - It's a good thing I am on the path, because now it is completely dark. I wouldn't have been able to find my way out from where my stand was.

5:30 PM - Back to the cars. Nobody else saw anything...

9 deer sighted, 0 shot. That sucks.

Escape!

2005-11-04T12:48:00.000-06:00

This is "annual assault in the woods" weekend. The weekend when we go on armed walks looking for huge racks. Four legged hoofed creatures of the wilderness be warned! Yeah, I'm talking about you, Mr. Whitetail.

But more than just trying to shoot a deer, hunting weekend is the chance to leave civilization for a couple days. Sure, some people think that spending 2 days freezing in the woods is boring, but not me. It gives you a lot of time to think. Even if I don't see anything, I still enjoy nature, and I always come back feeling good.

Inappropriate Halloween costumes for work.

2005-10-31T10:22:00.000-06:00

Elvira
Anything that could be called ninja unless you are a chick.
A member of the Blue Man Group.
Cross dressing, fun as it may be.
A gay musician unless you live a in a very hick town.
Kids cartoon characters.
Now this is just stupid.
Mud wrestlers.
Togas.

Things I did at work today…

2005-10-26T13:41:00.000-05:00

- Practiced the 5 C’s of effective management: Contempt, Criticism, Corruptness, Cruelty, and self-Centeredness.
- Alwayslate played 10 minutes of a Jeff Foxworthy video that someone emailed to her. She thought it was so great, that she just had to send it to me. Speakers should be outlawed at work.
- Wrote a letter to my state senator asking him to propose a new law that would let me drive 95 miles per hour on any highway I want.
- Wondered why, when people are on speakerphone, they think they have to yell into the phone.
- Tried to figure out why the Arby’s Oven Mitt is so lame.
- Didn’t win an XBox.
- Sneaked onto Wannabe Bimbo’s computer and changed the MS Word autocorrect settings, so whenever she types in “the” it changes to “my awesome”
- Got a document from her that said, “If you look at my awesome reports, you will see that my awesome calculations show an actual decline in my awesome number of behavioral issues this month.”

People that I work with.

2005-10-21T15:13:00.000-05:00

This has been a long time coming. Yes, it is very long, but it’s worth reading.

Alwayslate - This coworker of mine is very good at not doing anything. Alwayslate has basically the same job description that I do. She thinks that there are some tasks that only I should do and she protects her easier or more enjoyable tasks. Alwayslate is habitually late. She likes to come to work between 10 and 12. I think that she just likes to stay after everybody else leaves, because then she really doesn't have to do anything. Alwayslate is part of a knitting and sewing group. She spends much of her day chatting on the phone with her knitting friends about the latest project they are working on. She is good at making molehills into mountains. Alwayslate is 48 years old.

Hiding-behind-laughter guy - This guy is always joking around. He likes to whistle, shout things out and makes up puns often. Hiding-behind-laughter guy is okay to work with, but his constant chipperness can get quite annoying. The reason he is called Hiding-behind-laughter guy is because I think his life goal is to make everyone think that he is happy all the time. Hiding-behind-laughter guy is 36 years old.

Nosy Church Lady - I knew Nosy Church Lady before I started working in this department. We go to the same church. Nosy Church Lady is a gossip freak. She loves to feel good about herself and loves to talk about others, especially how dumb she thinks they are. Nosy Church Lady is not someone that I suggest anybody trust. Now, I am not going to judge what someone believes, but Nosy Church Lady thinks that she is a step above the rest because she is part of the women’s group at church, and she makes this fact known often. At work, she gladly accepts the "Best Resource" designation but complains when people ask for her help. Nosy Church Lady is 62 years old.

Boss Pawn - Boss Pawn is my dim-witted boss that lets her subordinates take advantage of her, if they want to. Alwayslate definitely takes advantage of Boss Pawn. She always claims to be "so busy" and never have time to do anything. Boss Pawn, instead of realizing the truth, that she is lazy, passes her work off to other people and pretends that she is busy, believes Alwayslate and gives her great praise for being so dedicated. Boss Pawn acts as if she doesn’t have much managerial experience. Boss Pawn is about 45 years old.

Wannabe Bimbo – With her gray hair died blonde and matching ignorance to intelligence of any kind, you could easily describe Wannabe Bimbo as a "Typical Blonde." As about a 1 year member of the department, she is still struggling to learn her job. Often, she gives out false information to customers because she just makes things up, in order to not appear that she doesn’t know what she is doing. Other people I work with really like to talk about Wannabe Bimbo behind her back. I don’t participate in the Wannabe Bimbo bitch sessions however, even though I tend to agree with them. Wannabe Bimbo is about 50 years old.

LookingBusy – Were do I fit in? Well, I show up everyday, but I don’t have any motivation. I don’t particularly think that my job is very important or that my job is required for the business to exist. I answer about 4-5 calls per day, send some information out to customers, receive some information back from customers and forward some information on to other departments. I would say this whole process usually takes me about an hour and a half everyday to do. The rest of the day, I just try my best to look busy and please Boss Pawn. LookingBusy is 24 years old.

Things I did at work today...

2005-10-20T15:01:00.000-05:00

- The network went out for an hour today. Everybody sat around chatting, but since I don't like them, I looked like the busiest guy in the office because I was at my desk.

- Hustled everyone with a Mt Dew for their cap. I wanna win an XBox.

- Successfully blamed a coworker who was not here today for something that nobody even needed to be blamed for.

- No fair! Remember the project that my alwayslate coworker was working on? The one that took her 3 1/2 weeks, but only should have taken 3 days. Well, her and a bunch of her "buddies" that "helped" her on the project are going to be taken out to lunch at a very nice restaurant, and I am not invited. Ooohh I feel like a rant... grrrrrrrrrr..

- Alwayslate was late again - I am considering putting a sign on the outside of my cube that says "Can you believe that this idiot actually shows up to work on time? -Alwayslate."

Ok, a couple of these are a little funny. I didn't do anything else today, did you?

This article is perfect!

2005-10-14T10:16:00.000-05:00

I think I already have figured it out, but in case you need any pointers...
http://www.softwarereality.com/cthulhu/busy.jsp

So glad coworker is on vacation.

2005-10-14T08:34:00.000-05:00

We had a new employee at a different location here earlier this week, so he could get some training. New employee is a sales rep, coworker and I are sales support. In different location where new employee works, there is one sales support person and he is the only sales rep.

This is what I heard coworker say to new employee.

"The sales rep who was there before you just did things his way and never told his sales support person, so she doesn't really know what she's doing."

Well, I thought, this would be a perfect opportunity to say something funny and true. I said, "Yeah, I know what that's like!"

Coworker is in the next cube over, but as soon as I said that she was over to my cube so fast I thought Old Country Buffet was having a free dinner promotion to anybody over 3 bills.

"What!?!? What are you talking about?" she said. "Blah blah blaahahhaha...." I really wasn't listening anymore, because I don't care.

In the end, she just thought that I was joking with her. I guess criticizing her (lack of) training ability is a no-no.

Good things that happend to me today...

2005-10-13T12:57:00.000-05:00

- My bosses are not at work today or tomorrow.

- My coworkers are not at work today or tomorrow.

..... well that's about it. I have 4 hours to go.

Stupid List #1

2005-10-07T17:50:00.000-05:00

This is the first time I've ever done one of these lists. I loaned it from Fuad's site, but I've seen it elsewhere.

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
I don't try because I don't have to.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Have you seen them? If you do, let me know.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
Yes, very much. I like stalkers. I think I should hold a stalker convention. You're all invited.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
Never! Read my posts, why would I lie about that stuff?

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
Yes, I pass on agression.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
I haven't yet, but if I don't have 15 comments on this post, I'm not posting for a week!

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
No, No, Yes.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
No only spam. I actually like the mean comments. If I left a nice comment on your blog, chances are good that it is fake.

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog?
I am at work for crying out loud.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
They would probably like me more, but I would like them less.

11. Do you have a job?
Obviously.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
This is probably the stupidest question in the world. Wait here's a stupider one.. "If someone offered you a decent salary to sit on your ass......."

13. Which bloggers do you want to meet in real life?
All of them, I want to throw a huge blogger party! Except for that monkey dude. He is a fruit.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with? (a)In real life? (b)In fantasy?
A) I wont name names, but you know who you are. B) Why fantasise when you can have the real thing?

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
Since I don't have any money, I must act like I have more. (Logic 101)

16. Does your family read your blog?
My wife sometimes, she tells me she doesn't like all the women making comments on my blog.

17. How old is your blog?
Old enough to drink.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
Yes, I get about 6500 page views per day. Yes, I am working my way up to a million.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
Yes, it is called Quesidillas for Breakfast.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
Yes, but the check didn't clear.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
I don't report any money I earn.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
Heck yes!

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
I've never tried it.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

25. Do you have enemies?
I pretty much don't like people, but they like me.

26. Are you lonely?
I miss my wife, why do I have to sit at this job all day...

27. Why bother?
Well, that is a good question. I would say mostly because if you don't, the NBA or NASA will put crabby powder in your Pepsi in an effort to make you look more appealing to the apple and banana pickers of the world.

------------
End of quiz. Now you know some useless facts, get off my back.

Lies I told today...

2005-10-07T00:01:00.000-05:00

- Mmmm... There is no way to make cake better than by adding carrots to it!

- No, coworker, I don't mind if you come in 3 hours late. I'll even be glad to do all your work for you too.

- My Porsche needs a new head gasket and a new set of rubbers. 2400 bucks... I guess it'll be Country Fried Steak instead of Filet Mignon for a couple weeks, huh. (Insert pompous, snickering laugh here.)

- Where I live, we don't have garbage men, they are sanitation engineers. Cashiers are called incoming finance analysts, truck drivers are called goods delivery specialists and golf cart drink girls are called beer sluts.

- Possibly the best movie of all time is Fargo for its perfectly accurate portrail of Minnesota.

- Blog? What's that? Never heard of it. (Said to Coworker when she asked if I have a blog.)

Lies I told today...

2005-10-05T00:01:00.000-05:00

- The Reading Rainbow is a great show, but don't take my word for it.

- I am not taking no for an answer.

- I see the Juice on my golf course on Thursday afternoons usually twice a month.

- Casual Friday is still funny and everybody should link to it.

- What are you talking about? We should all aspire to be the best workers ever!

- Drew Carey is possibly the funniest man alive.

- I am almost as funny as Drew Carey.

Lies I told today...

2005-10-04T11:14:00.000-05:00

- I am a PHD. (Not completely a lie..... Pretty Hot Dude)

- The first thing I do every morning is swim across the lake and back, and usually I can catch a fish or two in my hands for breakfast.

- I know several Canadians that have an IQ over 100 and can speak coherent English.

- You're not rich until you have 19 bank accounts.

- My coworkers are all pleasant, fun and smell nice.

- My car CAN out run 41 cop cars.

- My deer hunting tree stand is 65 feet in the air.

- I eat lima beans with every meal because they are so good for you.

I hate jerks

2005-10-03T16:49:00.000-05:00

Who else hates jerks?

Lies I Told Today.

2005-09-30T17:06:00.000-05:00

- I saw Hulk Hogen trip on a crack in the sidewalk and I laughed out loud at him.

- I won the ring toss nine times straight once.

- As a side project, I am in the Palm Tree rental business.

- My jetski can go 125 mph.

- I have almost completed my ebook, Using the Google Loopholes to Your Advantage (and getting super rich in the process.)

- My blog receives 6500 page views per day, the counter only displays every 100th visitor so that each person thinks they have found a diamond in the rough.

"Don't be afraid" otherwise known as "Just take it!"

2005-09-30T14:23:00.000-05:00

It can almost be guaranteed that, if there is candy, snacks or food sitting around, the last piece will always be saved for me. Not that they want me to have the last piece, but that everybody is afraid to take the last one. But I am not afraid.

I took the last Abdallah Chocolate!

Today is the day...

2005-09-28T15:01:00.000-05:00

- that I am going to go talk to an HR rep about my coworker cheating on her timesheet and my boss letting her.

- that I am going to ask my boss to let me apply for a different job (which is required since I haven't been in this position for the required time.)

- that I am going to tell my coworker that I am too busy to do her work.

- that I am going to finish my two small projects and sit around bored.

- that I am going to stop asking questions. I never get a good answer and I am tired of looking like I don't know what I am doing. (I don't but that is because I was never trained.)

- that I am going to start making up lies about my personal life so that I sound really cool.

- that I am going to start bitching more to everyone.

Good luck, world.

So MAD!

2005-09-27T08:43:00.000-05:00

My coworker has been working on a project for about 2-3 weeks and it should've only taken a week or less. Since it is a "high priority customer" it's pretty much all she has been doing (well, except for the time she wastes standing around chatting with the other old women, talking on the phone, working on her crafts/sewing or whatever the hell else she does...) So every day she tries to push all her other work on me. I have enough of my own things to do, rather than bother with all her crap.

More than one boss.

2005-09-20T10:08:00.000-05:00

Pros and cons of having more than one boss.

Pro:
If a boss hasn't given you anything to do, they think the other bosses have given you work and assume you are busy.

Con:
Each boss may overload you with work at times not knowing what the other bosses have given to you.

I take advantage of the pros and the cons never happen to me because there is never anything to do.

“Birthday potlucks” otherwise known as “Remember the old days?”

2005-09-15T13:15:00.000-05:00

Today was this woman’s 50th birthday, so they held a potluck for her. Here in my new department, people usually just bring in some kind of cupcakes/cake/treats on their own birthday and the treats are gone by 10:00 am.

But, being that this was her 50th birthday, they held her a potluck. This was unlike any potluck I’ve ever been to though. They set up the food in a conference room. Everything good so far, right. There is a table with a bunch of chairs in the room. I figured, everybody will just grab their food, sit down, eat, then get up, get some cake and go back to their desk; no pressure. So I got my food and sat down. The atmosphere was strangely family-like. These people are not my family. Why did it feel like I was sitting down to a family dinner?

And the conversations were so boring! Imagine sitting around a table, as a 24-year-old man, with about 15 women and 1 other man all between the ages of 41 and 59. Plus, most of them have been working together for 20+ years. I have only been here in this department for 3 months. I wanted to just get up and leave so bad, but I knew I would get this awful look from everybody like ‘Where do you think you’re going?’

So I sat and waited it out. Finally, after about an hour somebody finally stood up and made a move toward the door.

What did I bring to the potluck? Well, they sent around a list, and there was a slot for a person to bring a veggie tray plus about 4 other people to help pay for it. My co-worker signed up to bring the veggie tray, and I was one of the people who signed up to help pay for it. I figured, veggie tray would be ~$15 divided by 5 people is only 3 bucks, right? Well she comes in with all these fresh vegetables, mushrooms, peppers, carrots, radishes, etc. She took them and cut them all and I just know it’s going to end up being more like $30 and I am going to be stuck paying her 6 bucks for something that hardly anyone touched because of course she was late and spent the first half of the potluck cutting the veggies.

Sorry this is so long… I hate reading long posts.

"What is the world coming to?" otherwise known as "Odd-behavior"

2005-09-14T13:26:00.000-05:00

Two very interesting things happend to me today within a 2 minute time span.

Today, during my lunch break, I left work to run a couple errands. On the way back into the building, I passed a woman on the sidewalk. She was in her upper 50's, short and a little stocky. She had a purse or bag of some kind in her right hand, and in her left hand she was holding a cigarette. We passed eachother on our left sides, and as we did, she stretched her left hand, the one holding the cigarette, as far to the right side of her as she could. It was basically on her right hip. I thought this was quite odd. Was she trying to protect me from the "nasty" second hand smoke? Was she afraid that I may grab her last cigarette right out of her hand? I thought about asking her what her intentions were, but since I generally do not care to pry into people personal business, I decided not to.

About two minutes later, I was inside the building walking down the hallway towards my desk. I passed by a handicapped woman who works here. I politly smiled at her and softly said 'Hello' and then turned to the right to head towards my desk. I then heard her mutter under her breath (Which is pretty loud; have you ever heard a handicapped person mutter or whisper anything quietly?) 'Outta my way, stupid ass.' I guess this is not suprising, but it is sad. This person does not have the brain capabilities of most of the rest of us, and all this world has taught her was to be rude to people who are being nice to you.

No, I'm not dead or fired.... yet.

2005-09-12T15:38:00.000-05:00

I'm getting kinda tired of the "Things I Did at Work Today" lists, so I think I am only going to do those every once in a while now.

Mondays always get me. Old women standing around chatting about their stupid weekends; going to the antique stores, lunch with the girl friends, blah blah who cares. People don't realize that I don't want to hear about it.

The game of the day.............. SEE HOW MANY PERSONAL PHONE CALLS YOU CAN MAKE IN A DAY! So far, I am about 30 calls behind with 1.

Things I did at work today...

2005-09-06T16:03:00.000-05:00

1) Everywhere is humid and sticky today because of the rain and it's making me feel a little sick. Plus I had peanut butter toast for breakfast, so that isn't helping either.
2) Coworker was late again - I superglued her mouse buttons down.
3) Somebody moved my lunch in the refridgerator, so I played "Scrambled lunchboxes" with the other lunches in there.
4) Got annoyed with people trying to pry into my personal life because they don't have a life of their own.
5) Put up a flyer on the bulletin board looking for my lost pair of scissors. Reward: a pack of rubberbands and a sticker from a Crack Jack box.
6) Coworker was only at her desk for about 2 hours all day, so tomorrow I am going to use the superglue on her chair.
7) Had someone stand over the top of me and make me search the internet to try to find what year that "Looking for love in all the wrong places" by Waylon Jennings was released.

Things I did at work today...

2005-09-01T15:05:00.000-05:00

1) Threw away a very gross banana peel.
2) Co-worker was late again - I am going to ask my boss if I can start work at 2:30 am so I don't have to deal with her.
3) Visited my previous co-workers and everybody was just a little too excited to see me.
4) Again I heard "What are you eating it smells so good" when I heated up my lunch. After I said that it was Olive Garden, I heard complaining because she couldn't go get some herself even if she wanted to.
5) Decided that if I ever own my own business, I am not going to hire someone to do whatever it is I do.
6) As I was sending some chocolates to our new customers and everybody said something to me like "MMM Chocolates, better hide them from me!"
7) Talked to this guy who said that in order to help lower gasoline prices, he is looking for oil in his backyard.

Things I did at work today...

2005-08-30T15:24:00.000-05:00

1) Banana Update: Co-worker kept saying "I smell something really bad. What is that?"
2) I sniffed around her desk to humor her and said that I didn't smell anything, even though it stank bad.
3) Someone brought in Krusty Krap donuts and I ate one so now I feel sick.
4) Dropped paperclips wherever I went and told people that I was leaving a trail to find my way back.
5) I got work given to me to do during a lunch break.
6) Cranked Pantera really loud and I didn't care who heard it!
7) Found a cool website for all my nerd readers.

Things I did at work today...

2005-08-29T15:41:00.000-05:00

1) Saturday was my birthday! All I want for a birthday gift is a few clicks on those fancy revenue generating links on the right. Come on! I need some gas money.
2) Co-worker was late again - set the over/under at 10:40 and took bets. 7 people took the under and 1 person took the over, so I won 30 bucks cuz she didn't come in until 11:15.
3) Tried to invent a new knock-knock joke: "Knock-knock, who's there? Butter. Butter who? Butter watch out, ....." but I couldn't figure out how to finish it.
4) Drank a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper which is actually very good.
5) Had to listen to old women standing outside my cube talk about every single detail of their weekend.
6) Caught somebody rockin' out with their headphones on singing "Little miss little miss little miss can't be wrong!"
7) Someone told me, "Oh my God, it's three o'clock already? Where has the day gone?" Yeah right.

Things I did at work today...

2005-08-26T11:47:00.000-05:00

1) Bit one of my fingernails and it was all sharp and jagged so I ran it along the carpeted outside walls of everyone's cubicle as I walked by which acted kinda like a file.
2) Banana peel update: Nobody has stepped on the banana peel yet and even though it is starting to get a little raunchy, nobody has bothered to pick it up and put it in the trash either.
3) Co-worker was late again - stuck the raunchy banana peel under her desk.
4) Hung out at the "watercooler" just to see what it was like.
5) Nine people asked me this exact question. "D'ya got any plans for the weekend?"
6) Gave nine different answers.
7) Set a goal to use 25 acronyms today.

Things I did at work today...

2005-08-25T15:52:00.000-05:00

1) Waited patiently.
2) Co-worker was late again - I ate the rest of her candy.
3) Tried to convince a "psychic" that if he really had psychic powers he wouldn't be working here.
4) Amazed my co-workers with a cool magic trick.
5) Decided that one of the coolest words in the english language is hijincks because it has three dotted letters in a row.
6) Starting a new contest - Shortest real-word HOTMAIL account you can register without a number.
7) Got a lunch from the cafeteria and somebody told me it didn't look very good. 20 minutes later saw the same person with the exact same lunch I had.

Things I did at work today...

2005-08-23T12:55:00.000-05:00

1) Watched as two people who don't know what they are doing try to set up a shortcut on my desktop to a file in a directory I don't have access to.
2) Ate a scrumptious piece of a caramel apple pie cake thingy.
3) Co-worker was late again – I didn’t tell her about the scrumptious caramel apple pie cake thingy.
4) Tranquilized some sheep.
5) Only waited 5 hours for a printout that I asked for which was sitting on somebody’s desk since Friday.
6) Played a game of almost running into someone, then both move the same way to get out of the way with the vice president twice.
7) Wondered if banana peals really are that slippery and decided to bring a banana to work tomorrow to try it.

Things I did at work today...

2005-08-22T13:22:00.000-05:00

1) Asked everybody that I saw in the hallways, 'Hey, did you see the mouse?'
2) Watched amused as middle aged women scampered down the middle of the hallway as fast as they could scamper.
3) I find it interesting that, to keep me busy, people hand me things to do for them that only take about 2 minutes when they are on their way back to their desks after standing around talking at someone else's desk for 20 minutes.
4) Laughed at people when they got so excited when someone brought in some Snickers Minis.
5) Took a nap while everyone else was in a meeting.
6) Wondered if those spam faxes ever work.
7) Coworker was late again - I ate a whole bunch of her Snickers Minis.

Things I did at work today.

2005-08-19T15:47:00.000-05:00

1) Asked everybody if they could hear me now.
2) Played office football with a rubber chicken.
3) Played a game of everybody else is coughing so I'll cough too.
4) Waited for the VP to finish using the microwave. Somehow time slowed down to about 1/20th speed because the 1 minute it took felt like 20.
5) Tried self-hypnosis unsuccessfully.
6) Stared at people as they walk down the hall and as they were just about past me muttered "hi."
7) Searched for IDIOT on eBay and found 1162 items.

Things I did at work today.

2005-08-17T13:51:00.000-05:00

1) Co-worker stopped by my desk to help me with something I didn't need help with. Then proceded to steal my pen.
2) Went to supply closet and took a whole box of pens.
3) Tried to fold a sheet of paper in half more than 8 times.
4) Searched for "How to cheat at roleplaying" but didn't get the results I wanted.
5) Kept seeing the same person in the hallways, which can be akward at times.
6) Listened to headphones really loud. Now when people look at me when they walk by, they have a weird, scrunched-eyebrow, head-cocked look.
7) Realized that everybody thinks they are young. (think about it.. are you young? {typical response 'well i'm not old'})

Things I did at work today.

2005-08-16T16:31:00.000-05:00

1) Made a phone call to get a question answered and got transferred 4 times.
2) Almost flipped out of my chair backwards when I was stretching.
3) Started to work on my new project: manually updating a database table with 41218 rows. I will be busy for the next 3 months.
4) Set up a rubber band target range and am considering charging admission and handing out prizes.
5) Asked some new guy if he's found the fourth floor pool yet. (This building has 3 floors.)
6) Co-worker was late to a class we were both attending. I made some extra noise when she tried to sneak in so everybody turned and looked at her.
7) Considered recording my voicemail message in my best Mike Tyson voice.

Made up quote of the day.
"Hello. You have reached the voice message recorder of Mike Tyson. I am most likely fornicating with a beautiful woman or tearing the face off of your children. I will call you when time permits. Thank you." - My voicemail message.

Things I did at work today.

2005-08-15T12:04:00.000-05:00

1) Co-worker was late again - taped a paper to her computer monitor that said "Tardy."
2) Started my own conspiracy theory. In an effort to get more work out of people, clocks move 33% slower during the hours of 8 and 5.
3) ALMOST kicked a printer.
4) In an effort to be more prepared, I sought out each and every bathroom in the building.
5) Learned never to trust the IT department. Ever.
6) Took a 5 minute vacation.
7) Prepared my Chinese firedrill contest winner acceptance speach.

Things I did at work today.

2005-08-11T10:25:00.000-05:00

1) Greeted everybody with "Whattup yo?"
2) Made a bow and arrow using office supplies.
3) Co-worker was late again - took some of her candy off her desk.
4) Daydreamed about playing the steel drums in a Caribean Metallica tribute band.
5) Searched for "stupid" on eBay and found 574 items.
6) Got the country song "I Still Got a Lot of Leaving Left to Do" stuck in my head.
7) Voted for Pedro.

Made up quote of the day:
"I love it that I can make grown men with huge muscles strip down to their underwear and roll around on the floor together." - Vince McMahon

Things I did at work today.

2005-08-10T12:56:00.000-05:00

1) Went on a LONG walk.
2) Took a survey on the intranet, then the big bosses walked by and it looked like I was surfing.
3) Got accused of hogging the copier when I wasn't even using it.
4) Co-workers daughter visited today, so I had to listen to those two talk non-stop for 3 hours.
5) Started a tally of the number of times people look at me as they walk by. So far I've been looked at 11 times today.
6) Thought about sending a piece of mail to myself through the internal mail service just to see how long it would take.
7) Increased my highlighter ability tenfold.

Made up quote of the day:
"I am a monkey GOD!" - Rob Schneider

Things I did at work today.

2005-08-09T13:10:00.000-05:00

1) Thought about putting up a door to my cube so people can't look at me when they walk by.
2) Decided to put a sign on my chair that says "What's so interesting about the back of my head?" instead.
3) Co-worker was late again... covertly pointed out mistakes she made several weeks ago.
4) Walked into the bathroom and it sounded like somebody was dying in there.
5) Put a hex on anybody who says "my coworkers are my second family."
6) Played with the windows narrator (Windows key+U) and made him say funny things.
7) Went out for lunch and brought my soda cup inside when I got back. Everybody said, you went out to lunch?

Made up quote of the day:
"Don't you speak english? I said evil-doerism." - President George W Bush

Uh oh. Sounds like somebody has a case of the Moun-days..

2005-08-08T09:44:00.000-05:00

I put the new wallpaper on my screen less than 2 hours ago, and already I have had 3 people say something to the effect of, "Nice car, is that your dream car or is that yours?"

Wallpaper of the week

2005-08-08T08:20:00.000-05:00

My wife is going to buy me this Ferrari for my birthday. Lucky me!

Things I did at work today.

2005-08-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

1) Made some white out art.
2) Stared at the rainbows on a cd-r.
3) Was playing with a pen and twisted the bottom and top halves together so tight that now I can't get them free.
4) Went looking for a new pen.
5) Spun in my chair until I was dizzy.
6) Thought about recording my voicemail message in my best Hulk Hogan voice.
7) Counted the number of days until the next holiday.
8) Thought a long time about how cool it would be to be "The One."
9) Searched for "crap" on eBay and found 194 items.
10) Saw one of the weird guys and wondered just what it is like inside his head.

Made up quote of the day.
"I think we should close all army boot camps. That only works for disobedient children." -Maury Povich