Gotta love retards.

Wannabe bimbo is dumb. It's a proven fact. Now, let me prove it again.

On Monday, she asked Alwayslate to set up a couple meetings for her. Since Alwayslate is a lazy bum, she asked me to do it for her. Now, this is something that isn't very difficult, only taking about 15 minutes or so and since I didn't have anything better to do, I did it for Alwayslate for Wannabe Bimbo.

Now, this is where it gets interesting... Today, Wannabe Bimbo gets an email from the person who is apparently supposed to be running the meetings asking for information so that she can set up them up. Wannabe Bimbo forwards it to me and asks what we should do. So, I told her that I already contacted our customers and set the meetings up and that I didn't know about this mysterious other party who is supposed to be running the meetings. I said, "It sounds like we may have gotten a little ahead of ourselves when we set these meetings up."

Response from WB - "Thank you [lookingbusy]! You are so efficient!"

What?!?! That was not the response I expected, but like I said, she doesn't get it.

Just some things that happend

The other day, Alwayslate's daughter came in for a visit. Let's call her Personal Issues Girl. Another coworker from the next department over walked by and saw Personal Issues Girl at Alwayslate's desk and had to stop by to chat with them and annoy me.

Talk quickly moved to Alwayslate's ex-husband and Personal Issues Girl's father. Apparently he has been sober for 7 months now and they all thought it was just great.

Annoying coworker from other department: "So, [Personal Issues Girl], what about you? How long have you been sober?"
Personal Issues Girl: "A little over 5 months for me."
Annoying coworker from other department: "Wow, that's great."
Personal Issues Girl: "Yeah, but I really miss it."
Annoying coworker from other department: "When I was younger I tried speed a few times."
Personal Issues Girl: "Oooohhh, I love that stuff. It's my favorite."

Then, annoying coworker from other department went on to talk about how she thinks her neighbor was cooking meth all the time. Personal Issues Girl described in semi-full detail on how to make meth. She asked about the smell and confirmed that the neighbors were doing what Annoying Coworker from the other department thought they were doing.

Hence the name, Personal Issues Girl.

And it annoyed me very much.

Things I did at work today.

- Researched CB talk.
- Asked Wannabe Bimbo if she has a clue. She does not, but she offered me a fun size Snickers bar. I accepted.
- Calculated that I have only 232 days, 11 hours, 15 minutes and 52 seconds until I am vested and my ‘Hard Earned’ retirement money is safe.
- Asked the person who delivers the mail how much it would cost to mail myself to see what was cheaper, Frontier or FedEx. Can anybody guess which one is more comfortable?
- Practiced my online stalking skills. I am pretty good, but I could be better.
- Glued a nickel to the floor hoping that the hot girls from the other department stop by, try to pick it up and I get a chance to check out their butts.
- So far, I have seen 3 ugly butts and no hot butts.
- Wished all my blogging friends a happy T-Day!

American Indian History?

Apparently, it's American Indian History month. So, to promote some kind of 'diversity awareness' my work has decided to setup a teepee in the main lobby. I went down to check it out the other day and I was bewildered at what I saw.

First of all, I’m not really sure how a teepee display in the lobby helps promote any awareness. Sure, there may be a historic element there, but do we really want people to think that Indians still live in teepees? Most people gave up living in teepees over 100 years ago when houses proved to be better.

When I saw the monstrosity, I immediately thought ‘Oh my God, what have they done?’ Let me describe. The teepee stands at approximately 25 feet tall. The base is about 12 feet in diameter. Larger than any teepee I have ever seen before. It is colored bright red, orange and yellow, has silhouettes of buffalo, coyotes and the horizon and made out of vinyl. The large poles that hold it up look suspiciously fabricated. Upon closer inspection, the vinyl material has machine-sewed seams running all over it. There are straps sewn on the bottom that are supposed to go around the poles to hold the sides down.

The display was disappointing. I was anticipating an authentic teepee, not one that was made at a factory. Aren’t there any Indians left that make authentic teepees using trees they cut down and cattle hides? (Of course, teepees used to be constructed with buffalo hides, but that would not be practical today.)

My work had a chance to exhibit something really interesting, something that could have taught about real American Indian life hundreds of years ago, but instead they just up put a huge orange and yellow thing that I have to walk around.

Priceless

Bottle of Boone's Farm... $2.99

New utility knife... $1.49

Needle and thread... $1.99

Assorted bandages... $3.49

Neutering your dog for less than 10 bucks... priceless

Uh oh.

My friend, Getting There thinks that my blog is so great. He sent me a copy of his favorite movie, The Pacifier along with this note.

Lookingbusy, I really appriciate your blog. Every day it brings me humor and laughter. I think it's great! This is my most favorite movie ever. I hope you enjoy it too.
Sincerely,
Getting There

Well, Getting There, thank you so much for the crappiest movie ever made.

---

For you, Ten things I would rather do than watch The Pacifier.

1) Set my hair on fire.
2) Smash myself in the head with a ball peen hammer.
3) Ask the guy with the sign that says "Will Work For Food" what his qualifications are.
4) Ask my coworker how her weekend was. (Don't do it!)
5) Pluck my fingernails off.
6) Walk to Nova Scotia.
7) Drive a Ford.
8) Have lyposuction performed on my eyeballs.
9) Read your blog.
10) Wake up from a nap looking at the south end of a skunk heading north.

Crazy things you can do to pass the time.

- Pretend that you have a really bad cough, that way, if anybody stops by your desk, you can start a coughing fit and they will leave saying, "Excuse me, I'll come back later."

- Challenge your coworkers to a duo. If they agree, count to three then slap them in the eyeball. If they decline, say 'That's what I thought, Frenchy.'

- When you are outside, look up at the sky and point. People will gather around to see what you are looking at. If they ask, tell them you see a key bird. Play it out. You can say things like 'Can't you see it?' and 'It's right there, in the sky.'

- Make a sign for your car that says Human Organ Transportation - Fresh Organs on Board. That way, traffic will move out of your way and you will be able to get home faster.

- Pile sandbags in front of your cubical door. When the boss walks by duck down behind the sandbags and shout out 'German solders spotted, somebody throw a grenade.'

- Get on a crowded elevator. Pick a floor that somebody has already pushed the button for (lets say 2.) Press the already lit 2 button. Twice. Stand back. Say 'Could somebody push 2 for me?' Then squeeze your way through a couple people and press 2 again. When you get to the second floor, stay on the elevator.

- Instead of pictures of your family, bring pictures of farm animals to work and set them on your desk. If anybody asks, you can tell them that your family is part of the witness protection program and they are living on a farm somewhere in Kansas. The only contact you have had with them in 3 years is these pictures that they have sent you.

- Make a post on your blog telling everybody how smart, good looking and funny I am. Link to my blog and suggest that everyone reads it. Say 'This is grade A, top choice meat, folks.' If you do this, I will include your name and blog on one of my hilarious posts and I have a couple of really good ideas already.

Let me help you out... this goes in the EDIT HTML tab.

<b>Trying to look busy at work?</b>
Check out the <a href="http://tryingtolookbusy.blogspot.com">Trying to look busy blog.</a> The author, lookingbusy, is very smart, very good looking and his blog is hilarious. You need to read it. This is grade A top choice meat, folks. <a href="http://tryingtolookbusy.blogspot.com">You can look busy too!</a>



I am going on a long weekend. I'll be back on Wednesday. I'll see you in the Arch.

Fun things to "autocorrect"

Sneak on to your coworkers computers and change their MS Word autocorrect settings so when they type in a common word, it changes to something else.

Examples:
- "what" change to "huh"
Huh? You are going to do huh?

- "ask" change to "slap"
Why do you always slap me? Can't you slap somebody else?

- "tots" change to "little round potato thingys"
Hey Napoleon, are you going to eat your little round potato thingys?

- "master" change to "bitch"
What kind of lock is that? It's a bitch.

- "golf" change to "smoke"
Tomorrow I am going to smoke with my buddies. Hopefully the greens aren't as fast as the last time we smoked.

- "lazy" change to "looking busy"
I can't beleive it. [lookingbusy] is so looking busy.

It's annoying.

I was on the elevator with another woman. She had to hurry up and rush to get off in front of me. Then, she walks super slow, right in my way. Idiot!

My weekend, minute by minute.

I have decided that either I am A) The Luckiest Worst Hunter or B) The Unluckiest Best Hunter. Here's the breakdown of the weekend.

Saturday:

6:15 AM - Arrived at hunting location. Grabbed hat, gloves, gun and portable tree stand.

6:30 AM - Walked down trail, saw a hunter in the location I wanted to be in, so turned around, headed down a different trail.

6:45 AM - Found a suitable location, walked 75 yards into the woods and set up portable tree stand. View was decent, except for some heavy brush in one direction.

9:30 AM - The time we were supposed to meet at the cars, but I didn't have a watch on. I was waiting for my uncle and cousin to walk back down the trail, but they took a different way back.

9:40 AM - Heard some DRN (deer related noise) from behind the heavy brush.

9:50 AM - Was watching for the deer to appear from behind the brush. Finally saw a butt and a tail walked the other direction. Had about 1/2 second to aim and shoot, and even then it would have been a butt shot, so I didn't shoot.

10:15 AM - Haven't seen uncle and cousin yet, so I got down, took down stand because I didn't like the location that much (couldn't see behind the heavy brush) and headed back to the cars.

10:30 AM - Got back to the cars just as everyone else is heading back into the woods. Borrowed a watch. So far, only 1 other person has seen a deer and they weren't able to get a shot off either.

11:00 AM - Headed back into the woods.

11:20 AM - Went back to where I had the stand earlier. Since I didn't have any marking tape, I put an extra hat in the tree for a marker. Headed back deeper into the woods, about another 75 yards. Found a decent tree to put the stand in.

11:30 AM - Got the stand up in the tree and climbed up. The view was very good. This time, I got the stand up a couple feet higher, and the heavy brush that was giving me problems before was easier to see through, because I was a little higher above it.

1:20 PM - No deer seen, only mice and squirrels. Time to head back to the cars for lunch.

1:30 PM - Ate lunch at the cars, predicted that I would shoot a deer in the evening, because I had a perfect spot. Two people saw the same deer, and one took a shot at it, but missed it.

2:15 PM - Walked back out to the stand.

3:45 PM - Thought I heard some DRN; waited.

4:15 PM - Heard more DRN, while lookin around, saw a back leg of a deer go just of out site. Figured "What the hey" and try to do my best Burp Grunt (I don't have a deer call.) It worked! The deer turned around and started walking straight at my stand. It was a small doe, and I could have shot it easily, I decided to pass on it, because I figured a bigger one would come along. She walked to within 15 yards of my stand, and stopped to look around. She looked up and saw me, but didn't run. Instead, she just turned around and walked the other way.

4:30 PM - Head more DRN and saw another small doe. I decided I better take this one. I didn't want to get back to the other guys and tell them I passed on two deer. As I was watching it and waiting for an opportunity to pull the trigger, I heard some loud walking from behind me. So, I was watching both sides, the small doe I could see, and trying to find what was making so much noise behind me.

4:45 PM - The small doe wasn't moving anywhere fast, and I could still see her. I haven't been able to spot the other deer yet, but I'm sure there is one down there. Then, for some unknown reason, my throat gurgles a little bit. In the area I was watching to try to find the deer that I heard, I see two big deer, one with a nice rack on it jump back into the deeper woods and I never had a chance. The small doe on the other side of me was also gone.

5:10 PM - Getting dark fast. Had to get out on to the trail before I'd get lost.


Sunday:

6:15 AM - Arrived back at the hunting area. I left the stand in the tree overnight, so I wouldn't make any loud noises when I was getting there, but since I am such a nice guy, and my brother was complaining that he never sees anything, I told him he could use my spot in the morning. It was still kinda dark and a little foggy, so I walked him out there.

6:45 AM - I walked further down the trail and found a nice little log to sit on. Nothing happend for a long time, except dew was dripping from the tree tops.

8:30 AM - I was just sitting, being quite, then all of a sudden a deer took off running. It was about 40 yards away to start but it was gone a just a couple seconds. It snuck up on me, I didn't even hear it. It must have smelt me.

9:30 AM - Back at the cars. My brother told me how much my spot sucks, so I told him that it's just because he doesn't know how to use it. We had a broken thermos (it didn't keep stuff hot) so we shot it a bunch of times.

10:30 AM - The rest of the guys decided to move down the road about 1/2 mile. Since my stand was still in the tree, I stayed.

1:05 PM - Nothing happening, started the 20 minute 1 1/4 mile back for lunch.

2:00 PM - One of the vehicles wasn't working right, spent some time trying to get it running.

2:35 PM - Headed back to the stand. Took a shortcut, this time it was only 15 minutes.

2:50 PM - Just about to the spot where I turn in to go to my stand, two white tails popup and start running. But, instead of running deeper into the woods, they were running parallel to the path. So, what do you think I do. I started booking it down the path, loaded rifle in hand, hoping that either the run across the path or get to a spot where I can stop and get a shot off. But to no avail, they turned into the woods.

3:00 PM - Walking back to my stand very slowly, just hoping that the deer were still in the area. I did hear some DRN, I think, but it could have just been squirrels.

3:15 PM - Finally get to the stand. For the next 20 minutes, I heard a fawn calling on one side and two distinctly different deer grunting on the other side of me, but they must have walked around, because I never saw them.

4:45 PM - I thought I heard a squirrel making some noise behind me, so I didn't check it out at first. After I finally look, a medium doe is walking around just on the other side of the brush. Gun up, but I can't find her in the scope. It was getting dark and she blended right into the small trees and brushy stuff.

5:10 PM - Now it's getting really dark. Time to get out of the woods before I get lost; I gotta take down the stand still. In one last effort, I tried whistling really loud to try to get any deer in the area to run, so I could see them, but I didn't see or hear anything.

5:20 PM - It's a good thing I am on the path, because now it is completely dark. I wouldn't have been able to find my way out from where my stand was.

5:30 PM - Back to the cars. Nobody else saw anything...



9 deer sighted, 0 shot. That sucks.

Escape!

This is "annual assault in the woods" weekend. The weekend when we go on armed walks looking for huge racks. Four legged hoofed creatures of the wilderness be warned! Yeah, I'm talking about you, Mr. Whitetail.

But more than just trying to shoot a deer, hunting weekend is the chance to leave civilization for a couple days. Sure, some people think that spending 2 days freezing in the woods is boring, but not me. It gives you a lot of time to think. Even if I don't see anything, I still enjoy nature, and I always come back feeling good.