Things I did at work today...

1) Banana Update: Co-worker kept saying "I smell something really bad. What is that?"
2) I sniffed around her desk to humor her and said that I didn't smell anything, even though it stank bad.
3) Someone brought in Krusty Krap donuts and I ate one so now I feel sick.
4) Dropped paperclips wherever I went and told people that I was leaving a trail to find my way back.
5) I got work given to me to do during a lunch break.
6) Cranked Pantera really loud and I didn't care who heard it!
7) Found a cool website for all my nerd readers.

Things I did at work today...

1) Saturday was my birthday! All I want for a birthday gift is a few clicks on those fancy revenue generating links on the right. Come on! I need some gas money.
2) Co-worker was late again - set the over/under at 10:40 and took bets. 7 people took the under and 1 person took the over, so I won 30 bucks cuz she didn't come in until 11:15.
3) Tried to invent a new knock-knock joke: "Knock-knock, who's there? Butter. Butter who? Butter watch out, ....." but I couldn't figure out how to finish it.
4) Drank a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper which is actually very good.
5) Had to listen to old women standing outside my cube talk about every single detail of their weekend.
6) Caught somebody rockin' out with their headphones on singing "Little miss little miss little miss can't be wrong!"
7) Someone told me, "Oh my God, it's three o'clock already? Where has the day gone?" Yeah right.

Things I did at work today...

1) Bit one of my fingernails and it was all sharp and jagged so I ran it along the carpeted outside walls of everyone's cubicle as I walked by which acted kinda like a file.
2) Banana peel update: Nobody has stepped on the banana peel yet and even though it is starting to get a little raunchy, nobody has bothered to pick it up and put it in the trash either.
3) Co-worker was late again - stuck the raunchy banana peel under her desk.
4) Hung out at the "watercooler" just to see what it was like.
5) Nine people asked me this exact question. "D'ya got any plans for the weekend?"
6) Gave nine different answers.
7) Set a goal to use 25 acronyms today.

Things I did at work today...

1) Waited patiently.
2) Co-worker was late again - I ate the rest of her candy.
3) Tried to convince a "psychic" that if he really had psychic powers he wouldn't be working here.
4) Amazed my co-workers with a cool magic trick.
5) Decided that one of the coolest words in the english language is hijincks because it has three dotted letters in a row.
6) Starting a new contest - Shortest real-word HOTMAIL account you can register without a number.
7) Got a lunch from the cafeteria and somebody told me it didn't look very good. 20 minutes later saw the same person with the exact same lunch I had.

Things I did at work today...

1) Watched as two people who don't know what they are doing try to set up a shortcut on my desktop to a file in a directory I don't have access to.
2) Ate a scrumptious piece of a caramel apple pie cake thingy.
3) Co-worker was late again – I didn’t tell her about the scrumptious caramel apple pie cake thingy.
4) Tranquilized some sheep.
5) Only waited 5 hours for a printout that I asked for which was sitting on somebody’s desk since Friday.
6) Played a game of almost running into someone, then both move the same way to get out of the way with the vice president twice.
7) Wondered if banana peals really are that slippery and decided to bring a banana to work tomorrow to try it.

Things I did at work today...

1) Asked everybody that I saw in the hallways, 'Hey, did you see the mouse?'
2) Watched amused as middle aged women scampered down the middle of the hallway as fast as they could scamper.
3) I find it interesting that, to keep me busy, people hand me things to do for them that only take about 2 minutes when they are on their way back to their desks after standing around talking at someone else's desk for 20 minutes.
4) Laughed at people when they got so excited when someone brought in some Snickers Minis.
5) Took a nap while everyone else was in a meeting.
6) Wondered if those spam faxes ever work.
7) Coworker was late again - I ate a whole bunch of her Snickers Minis.

Things I did at work today.

1) Asked everybody if they could hear me now.
2) Played office football with a rubber chicken.
3) Played a game of everybody else is coughing so I'll cough too.
4) Waited for the VP to finish using the microwave. Somehow time slowed down to about 1/20th speed because the 1 minute it took felt like 20.
5) Tried self-hypnosis unsuccessfully.
6) Stared at people as they walk down the hall and as they were just about past me muttered "hi."
7) Searched for IDIOT on eBay and found 1162 items.

Things I did at work today.

1) Co-worker stopped by my desk to help me with something I didn't need help with. Then proceded to steal my pen.
2) Went to supply closet and took a whole box of pens.
3) Tried to fold a sheet of paper in half more than 8 times.
4) Searched for "How to cheat at roleplaying" but didn't get the results I wanted.
5) Kept seeing the same person in the hallways, which can be akward at times.
6) Listened to headphones really loud. Now when people look at me when they walk by, they have a weird, scrunched-eyebrow, head-cocked look.
7) Realized that everybody thinks they are young. (think about it.. are you young? {typical response 'well i'm not old'})

Things I did at work today.

1) Made a phone call to get a question answered and got transferred 4 times.
2) Almost flipped out of my chair backwards when I was stretching.
3) Started to work on my new project: manually updating a database table with 41218 rows. I will be busy for the next 3 months.
4) Set up a rubber band target range and am considering charging admission and handing out prizes.
5) Asked some new guy if he's found the fourth floor pool yet. (This building has 3 floors.)
6) Co-worker was late to a class we were both attending. I made some extra noise when she tried to sneak in so everybody turned and looked at her.
7) Considered recording my voicemail message in my best Mike Tyson voice.

Made up quote of the day.
"Hello. You have reached the voice message recorder of Mike Tyson. I am most likely fornicating with a beautiful woman or tearing the face off of your children. I will call you when time permits. Thank you." - My voicemail message.

Things I did at work today.

1) Co-worker was late again - taped a paper to her computer monitor that said "Tardy."
2) Started my own conspiracy theory. In an effort to get more work out of people, clocks move 33% slower during the hours of 8 and 5.
3) ALMOST kicked a printer.
4) In an effort to be more prepared, I sought out each and every bathroom in the building.
5) Learned never to trust the IT department. Ever.
6) Took a 5 minute vacation.
7) Prepared my Chinese firedrill contest winner acceptance speach.

Things I did at work today.

1) Greeted everybody with "Whattup yo?"
2) Made a bow and arrow using office supplies.
3) Co-worker was late again - took some of her candy off her desk.
4) Daydreamed about playing the steel drums in a Caribean Metallica tribute band.
5) Searched for "stupid" on eBay and found 574 items.
6) Got the country song "I Still Got a Lot of Leaving Left to Do" stuck in my head.
7) Voted for Pedro.

Made up quote of the day:
"I love it that I can make grown men with huge muscles strip down to their underwear and roll around on the floor together." - Vince McMahon

Things I did at work today.

1) Went on a LONG walk.
2) Took a survey on the intranet, then the big bosses walked by and it looked like I was surfing.
3) Got accused of hogging the copier when I wasn't even using it.
4) Co-workers daughter visited today, so I had to listen to those two talk non-stop for 3 hours.
5) Started a tally of the number of times people look at me as they walk by. So far I've been looked at 11 times today.
6) Thought about sending a piece of mail to myself through the internal mail service just to see how long it would take.
7) Increased my highlighter ability tenfold.

Made up quote of the day:
"I am a monkey GOD!" - Rob Schneider

Things I did at work today.

1) Thought about putting up a door to my cube so people can't look at me when they walk by.
2) Decided to put a sign on my chair that says "What's so interesting about the back of my head?" instead.
3) Co-worker was late again... covertly pointed out mistakes she made several weeks ago.
4) Walked into the bathroom and it sounded like somebody was dying in there.
5) Put a hex on anybody who says "my coworkers are my second family."
6) Played with the windows narrator (Windows key+U) and made him say funny things.
7) Went out for lunch and brought my soda cup inside when I got back. Everybody said, you went out to lunch?


Made up quote of the day:
"Don't you speak english? I said evil-doerism." - President George W Bush

Uh oh. Sounds like somebody has a case of the Moun-days..

I put the new wallpaper on my screen less than 2 hours ago, and already I have had 3 people say something to the effect of, "Nice car, is that your dream car or is that yours?"

Wallpaper of the week

My wife is going to buy me this Ferrari for my birthday. Lucky me!

Things I did at work today.

1) Made some white out art.
2) Stared at the rainbows on a cd-r.
3) Was playing with a pen and twisted the bottom and top halves together so tight that now I can't get them free.
4) Went looking for a new pen.
5) Spun in my chair until I was dizzy.
6) Thought about recording my voicemail message in my best Hulk Hogan voice.
7) Counted the number of days until the next holiday.
8) Thought a long time about how cool it would be to be "The One."
9) Searched for "crap" on eBay and found 194 items.
10) Saw one of the weird guys and wondered just what it is like inside his head.


Made up quote of the day.
"I think we should close all army boot camps. That only works for disobedient children." -Maury Povich

MMMM...

Those giant cookies with yogurt and fruit on the top of them... fruit pizzas... are really really good.

Retirement party

They're having this retirement party today for a guy that I don't know, but I am going anyway to get some free dessert!

Skills?

I am not good with a bowstaff. I did not catch you a delicious bass. My bike is not sweet and I don't take it off any sweet jumps. Companies want a person with good skills like bow-hunting skills, numchuck skills, computer hacking skills. I am not a bow-hunting, computer hacking ninja.

Knickknacks that I have in my cube.

·A skunk magnet made out of black cotton balls, pipe cleaners and two of those little craft eyes.
·Two small wooden boxes that open and display little bugs with wiggly feet.
·A yellow bendy man.
·Homer and Marge on a motorcycle.
·Maggie and Skinner mini bobblehead dolls.
·Two matchbox cars.
·A state quarter from the state I live in.
·Four "beanie baby" type animals, a monkey, a fish, a lizzard and a chicken.
·A small adjustable end wrench keychain.
·A rearview mirror, so I can see if anybody is sneaking up on me.
·A rubberband ball.
·A framed picture of my kids.
·Three framed pictures of myself and my wife together.
·A few other various pictures.
·A couple of buttons from the local sport teams.
·A mini rubber football.
·A chinese checkers game.
·6 little mugs with football teams on them.
·Small bottle of hand sanitizer.
·A flashlight keychain.
·6 sticks left of a 17 pack of Wintergreen gum.
·Some CDs.

Ouch

I have a headache. It's time to go home.

Boredom

Ok, so I have made it two whole months in my new job and I'm still not really sure what's going on. It's not that I'm not a smart guy, but nobody has really explained any process to me. I have been told "what" to do, but never "why." I guess that is up to me to pick up on my own (which I have been doing, but it just seems like I am being kept out of the loop.) I've even had people from other departments call me and ask me why I sent them something or why I did something the way I did. The best answer that I can give them is that's what they told me to do, because even if nobody told me to do that specifically, I had to figure it out on what little information I was given. My telephone training was a joke. She told me to answer by saying "{Dept name} this is {my name}." Then see what the customer wants, take their name and number and tell them I will get somebody to return their call. That was 7 weeks ago and I haven't been told anything since then.
I have a little sheet that they gave me with a few mundane jobs they want done which takes up about 20% of my time. I am very bored.